All Right, as promised this is my extremely warped take on Last Night.
I’ve taken out all the flashbacks and the teaser (‘cause they were
just creative editing anyway <eg>) but other than that this contains
every line and scene from LK. (from the transcript I have.) I wish
email would do italics so everyone could easily see what I have added,
but I think this version –does- work. 

In this take almost all of LK is a Tracy dream/memory/ or
hallucination. Just to make things a little clearer (as clear as
concrete right? <g>) The scenes from LK basically fall into 3
categories. All of LC’s original 3 monologues shot at that weird angle
are suppressed memories from the whammy he inflicted on her per Nick’s
request at the end of AtA. All scenes with Dawkins are supposed to be
the personification of Tracy’s suppressed memories trying to break
free, the precinct representing her mind, Dawkins the memories. And
any Nick/Nat or Nick/Lacroix scenes are Tracy’s inner dialogue about
one subject or another.

I know it sounds a little odd, but read it, you might like it! <eg>

Legal stuff: I don’t own ‘em, I’m not making any money, but the story
is mine. If you want to archive it, email me at anteros@juno.com

Tracy’s Last Knight

By: Mary Jenkins (4-98)

Part (1/9)

It was a familiar scene, more common since the bad weather had started
up again. Rain always hiked up the number of suicides. Tracy glanced
around the spacious bathroom, large enough for a half dozen officers,
forensics and other crime scene workers to move around easily. One
thing was for sure: Dr. Laura Haynes hadn’t ended it all because of
financial hardship. 

‘Do as I ask and not as I've done. Don't let yourself become empty.’
That was the line she’d read out the psychiatrist’s journal. The last
page working as the suicide note. So she’d felt her life was empty
huh? ‘Should have bought a dog or something.’

Tracy grimaced at her cynical thoughts. This woman had taken her own
life and she just couldn’t seem to summon up any sympathy. She’d never
understood why someone would want to do something like this. 

Tracy thought back to the last suicide she’d dealt with. Ellen
Simmons, she’d jumped off a penthouse balcony after killing Marnecki.
Ellen had once asked her if she’d ever wanted to die, she’d told her
no. The answer was still the same. ‘I’d never give up like that.’
Tracy thought. 

Ellen had had major problems though; multiple personal disorder is
what it was called. What must it have been like to not know yourself
like that? To have this huge –thing- inside you that you weren’t even
aware existed? Shaking off such pointless musings, Tracy made her way
to the edge of the large porcelain tub. ‘Wish I had something like
that at home.’ She thought distractedly, all she had in her apartment
was one of those puny fiberglass shower/tub combos. Her head hurt,
maybe a nice long soak would make her feel better. 

Murphy pulled the victim’s head from the water long enough for her to
get a good look. ‘Maybe a shower instead.’ Tracy thought frowning.
Laura Haynes had slit her wrists; her blood had diffused through the
bath water. ‘Vampire soup’ Tracy thought, Vachon’s pale face and
twinkling eyes flashing through her mind, seemingly amused by her
pathetic attempt at a joke. It’d been a while since she’d allowed
herself to think about her almost boyfriend. God knows she tried not
to, but sometimes she just couldn’t help it. She’d see a guy on the
street in a leather jacket or hear someone gun a motorcycle engine and
it was like he was suddenly back. Like he’d never left and he’d be
rummaging through her fridge when she got home. But he was never
there, he’d left. It’d been ‘his time’ or some such garbage. ‘Truth is
Vachon’s a coward.’ Tracy thought crossly. ‘Things start to get
serious and he runs. He ran from the Inca, he ran from me. He’d-’ 

Just then Nick walked up beside her, interrupting her inner rant. ‘No
point in going through that again anyway.’ She thought. She’d already
been over the issue a million times as it was. Turning towards her
partner, she tried to come up with something relevant to the case.
"Psychiatrist." She heard herself say, though Nick already knew that,
he’d been the one to tell her. Cursing herself, Tracy continued. "I'm
guessing nobody saw this coming."

Nick glanced away from his partner through the open door to where
Natalie Lambert sat. "Not even one of her closest friends. I guess you
never really know your friends, do you?"

Vachon’s face flashed through her mind again. "No. I guess not." Tracy
replied. God her head hurt, it was like a high school marching band
had gotten really plastered and started practice in her skull.

"Trace, do me a favor and finish here. I'm gonna get Nat out of here."
Nick said, giving his partner a pat on the arm and heading out the
door.

Since she wasn’t really being given a choice, Tracy mumbled. "Okay."
She watched as Nick walked over to the pathologist, who’d insisted on
coming even though she knew what she’d find, and whispered something
in her ear. Sometimes those two could be so tender and sweet towards
each other; Tracy wondered why they still claimed to be ‘just
friends.’ Everyone knew they were more than that. It was the nineties,
they were both single, why didn’t they just admit they were dating?

Leaning against the wall, Tracy hoped she could confuse the headache
and by taking the pressure off her feet somehow make her head pound a
little less. It didn’t work. Nick had left her to do all the work,
again. But at least he had an excuse this time; he had to take care of
Nat. Anyway, she could handle this. Sure her head was throbbing like
there was no tomorrow and the bright crime scene lights weren’t
exactly helping, but she’d do it. "Sure." She mumbled, though Nick was
already long gone.

Closing her eyes Tracy let her mind drift a bit. All those stress
management manuals said to take a deep breath, so she did. It didn’t
help. Nothing helped. Her thoughts wandered back to her partner and
the coroner. What was the deal with them anyway? Tracy let herself
lean a bit more heavily against the wall, imagining... 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Nick and Nat stood in the sterile linoleum floored hallway of the City
Morgue. ‘No this isn’t right’ Tracy thought, Nick would be taking Nat
home, not back to work. But there they stood in her mind’s eye, plain
as day, in the morgue. Still, it somehow seemed right. She didn’t know
what Nat’s apartment looked like anyway. Haynes had addressed the
suicide note to Nat. ‘God, that’s got to be rough.’ Tracy mused. 

"’Do as I ask and not as I've done. Don't let yourself become empty.’
First time a friend committed suicide. First time I've had a suicide
note addressed to me, a night of firsts. You know, I think that Doctor
Laura Haynes in there, was right on the money when she pegged me as a
kindred spirit." Nat said. 

Is that what Nat would say? Tracy didn’t know. Admittedly she didn’t
really know the pathologist very well. No, that’s what Tracy Vetter
would say, would Nat? Maybe.

How would Nick respond? He’d probably say something that was supposed
to be uplifting but was really just utterly useless. "Nat, she took
her own life. She probably had some pretty big problems."

‘Yeah, that pretty much fit the bill.’ Tracy smirked. Then her smile
faded, she tried to open her eyes. Something was wrong. In her mind
Nat answered. "Think so?" 

"You know, Nick, I used to think that suicide was a sacrilege. But I'm
not so sure anymore." Nat continued, oblivious to Tracy’s rising
panic.

Whoa! What the hell was going on? One thing she did know about Natalie
Lambert was that she abhorred the idea of suicide. Nothing would sway
her from that position, no matter what. The figures in her mind
continued their debate.

"Nat, don't talk like that." 

‘Nat’ looked straight at ‘Nick.’ "Why not? You've considered it
yourself." 

Yeah, Tracy found herself agreeing with ‘Nat,’ Nick was often
depressed. Nat would never…but Nick might. She could see it. ‘Don't
let yourself become empty.’ That was it, sometimes when he stared off
into space Nick seemed just that-…empty.

"Nat, maybe you shouldn't do the work on this case." 

Nick –would- say that, he never understood that sometimes people -
needed- to work, to keep their minds busy.

The two images continued to talk. Tracy tried to open her eyes again.
This was pointless. "You know, Laura never reached out to me in life
for help. I owe her this--to see that everything is properly done now
that she's gone. I can handle it. But you know what I can't handle? I
think that I understand her, and that scares me to death." 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Finally Tracy managed to open her eyes. An officer was standing over
her. 

"Are you all right Detective?" Murphy asked.

Tracy suddenly realized that sometime during her ‘daydream’ she’d slid
down he wall and now sat rather stunned on Laura Haynes’ tiled floor.
She looked up at the officer. "Um, Yeah, I’m okay." She tried to think
of an excuse. "Just tired, the flu or something." The flu was going
around, right? 

Murphy didn’t look convinced. "Maybe you should get a ride home with
one us? You shouldn’t drive if you’re sick."

"I don’t have my car anyway, Nick left me stranded, again." Tracy
mumbled as the officer helped her to her feet. "But I have to get back
to the precinct before I go home, okay?"

"Whatever you say Detective." 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Send all comments and cold & flu remedies to anteros@juno.com

*See disclaimers in part one.

Tracy’s Last Knight

By: Mary Jenkins

Part (2/9)

Back at the precinct Tracy had just finished her giving her
preliminary report to Captain Reese, though she’d left out her little
bout with the flu. That’s all it was anyway, the flu. At least, she’d
almost convinced herself that was what it was, what else could it be?

"How's Natalie holding up?" Reese asked as he walked his detective
back towards her desk.

"Not well. You know, I think a suicide note addressed to her was kind
of a mean thing to do. Nick's staying with her." ‘ At her apartment,
not the morgue. ‘ She added silently. ‘Why would she even have thought
he’d have brought her back to the morgue?’ "Anyway, there's no
suggestion of foul play and everyone seems satisfied that Laura Haynes
is a suicide, so..." 

"So?" Reese prompted.

"So, I was thinking of writing it up as such and maybe logging off
early for the night?" ‘Oh please, please let me go home.’ Her head was
still killing her and her stomach had begun to churn too. Tracy lifted
her hand to her stomach. ‘See,’ she told herself, ‘it –is- just the
flu.’ "Captain, I... I feel something coming on."

Reese looked her over, she did look pretty tired. "Okay. Sure. The flu
_is_ going around. Tell you what. Go home, get some rest, get in bed."

Suddenly Tracy’s eyes rolled back in her head and she collapsed.

"What the hell?!" Reese shouted. "Somebody call an ambulance!" 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Somebody was shouting and struggling in Tracy’s mind. Someone vaguely
familiar. A name and a face she couldn’t quite place. "I'm not going!
I'm not going back there! 

You can't take me back there!"

"Relax! Relax!" An officer ordered the man.

"What is this man's problem, Officer?" Reese asked.

"Transfer, Captain. Dawkins. We're holding him for pickup." The
officer said. 

No that isn’t right. He’s not a transfer…he’s not a man. Not a man?
That didn’t make sense. What was he? Why couldn’t she remember? Tracy
watched, seemingly apart from the on-going events.

"Dawkins, I want you to wait here quietly with these officers." Reese
ordered.

‘No!’ Tracy thought. ‘He can’t wait quietly! He’d been waiting quietly
for too long already!’ She had to remember who he was. She had to
remember.

"I'm not going back there!" The man yelled. 

Somewhere Tracy nodded. ‘Yes, he can’t go back now. We’ve come too
far. I’ve almost remembered now.’

"You will settle down, or I will have you cuffed and shackled! Do you
understand me?!" Reese shouted at the man.

‘No!’ Tracy silently screamed, ‘he can’t go back there. I can’t go
back to not knowing.’ 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Suddenly Tracy was back in the morgue with ‘Nick’ and ‘Nat.’ They were
standing next to an examination table, Laura Haynes’ personal effects
box nearby. Something wasn’t right, the feeling was even worse this
time. These people weren’t real. She had to wake up! Murphy would be
standing over her and-…Tracy’s thoughts were cut off as ‘Nick’ began
to speak.

"Strange, isn't it? How something so personal becomes just another
piece of evidence." 

‘The –real- Nick would never have said that.’ Tracy thought. Haynes
had been Nat’s friend, he wouldn’t refer to her journal and things as
‘another piece of evidence!’


"Not for me. You know, when she and I would get together years ago,
we'd talk for hours—about our careers, professional gossip. We slowly
came to realize that we 

never talked about ourselves. You know why? Because there was nothing
to tell. Our personal lives were non-existent. That was a bit of a
depressing discovery and we... ah... 

sorta lost touch after that. Her leaving me the note and her journal,
she meant for me to learn from her mistakes. It's my wake-up call,
Nick. Time to get a life." ‘Nat’ responded. 

‘No’ Tracy thought. Nat’s life wasn’t empty, she had Nick and Grace.
It was Tracy’s life that was empty…since Vachon had left. Vachon and
Jody and Bruce and so many others. The professional gossip rang true
for her more than Nat. Nat saw movies with Nick, she’d hear them talk
about them. Nat ate lunch and ran errands with Grace. Tracy didn’t
even have that. Nick never wanted to go out and grab a bite during
their breaks. And he –never- gossiped, at least not with her, she’d
seen him with the Captain though…and rumor was he’d been quite close
with his old partner, not with her though, never with her.

"You've got one. It's not empty." ‘Nick’ whispered to his ‘Nat.’

"Not now. Six years ago, April 14." The ‘Nat’ said.

"What's that?"

‘What –is- that?’ Tracy thought. It sounded familiar. Then she
remembered, April 14th, six years ago, the day she started on the
force. Five years in a uniform, one as a detective, six years total.
She’d marked the anniversary on her calendar.

"Day they brought you in." ‘Nat’ continued. "My life changed that day.
I don't want to end up like Laura, Nick."

‘No, I won’t give up like Haynes’ Tracy thought.

"I won't let you." ‘Nick’ told her.

‘But how will you stop her, me, us?’ Tracy wanted to scream.

"Well, that's simple. You just have to love me as much as I love you."
‘Nat’ said.

‘But that doesn’t make any sense! Love didn’t leave this hole. Vachon
was just a friend, wasn’t he?’ Somehow Tracy shook her head. ‘No, Love
wasn’t the reason for the emptiness. And Nick wasn’t involved at all,
why would she think he was?’

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

This explains the discrepancy in Nat’s B-day, Tracy wouldn’t have
known about any of that. <g> Send all comments and warm fuzzies to
anteros@juno.com.


*See disclaimers in part one.

Tracy’s Last Knight

By: Mary Jenkins

Part (3/9)

Nick leaned back into Nat’s over stuffed sofa. He’d just put his
sleeping beauty to bed; it’d been a rough night for her. He had
promised her that he’d spend the day with her in her apartment. Nick
tried to relax, but sleep would not come. Nick’s thoughts wandered to
his partner. It’d been a rough night for her as well. 

Tracy had seemed vaguely ‘out of it’ since that night in his loft.
Since he’d invited her up that night after their shift, supposedly for
coffee and to talk. She’d looked so happy, so grateful for his offer,
so pleased that her partner was apparently reaching out to her, that
he had actually wanted to spend time with her off-hours had made her
lips curve into the timidest of smiles. Nick had felt like Judas. 

Tracy had drawn into herself after Vachon’s death, she hadn’t had
anyone to talk to, even a night talking about inessential nothings
with her partner would have eased her pain a bit. Instead, he’d
introduced her to Lacroix and had him erase her memories. The whole
scene had left a bad taste in his mouth. Even thinking of it now made
Nick frown. 

He’d thought it would be simple. That Lacroix could make her forget as
easily as any non-resister, but that’s not what had happened. It had
taken hours to get the desired effect. Tracy had been strong, as
strong as anyone Lacroix had ever dealt with the old Roman had
confessed. By the end of the night, Nick had been exhausted and he’d
only watched! Blood sweat had appeared on his master’s upper lip and
forehead. Tracy had passed out. But in the end, everything had worked
out. Tracy had forgotten about Vachon’s death, as well as all that had
occurred that night. She would remember nothing of her night with
Lacroix and him in the loft.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Tracy groaned. Her mind was full of the most confusing things. Hadn’t
she just been in the morgue? Or had it been the precinct? The man
Reese called Dawkins had finally quieted down, but now there was
someone else. Someone who was a man, a real man, not like Dawkins. She
knew him. She remembered him. Standing in Nick’s loft, talking to her.
She couldn’t remember why or how she’d gotten there. But she knew him.

The man stood before her. Telling her that she didn’t love Vachon,
hadn’t loved Vachon. "Love. It warps our senses, twists our souls, can
take us past hope, past cure, past help. I know about love; it's
suffering, it's anguish, it's pain, Heaven makes means to kill our joy
with love.. And yet, we must have it at any cost." He said it with a
sneer. 

Tracy tried to tell him that she’d loved Vachon, she wasn’t sure she
could go on without him, but she didn’t hear her voice. 

The man looked down at her. She was sitting, the room seemed to spin
around him, all she could see were his eyes. Cool, blue and calm while
the world tumbled and crashed about them. "But are you so enamored
that you that you will overlook your love of life? And you do love it.
I've seen you smell the sea, gaze at the stars at night. Are you
willing to sacrifice one mistress for another? Look into your heart
and tell me you're willing to make the choice." 


‘No!’ Tracy thought. ‘I won’t give up. I won’t give up Vachon! I can
live with the loss, I have to know. Please don’t…’

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

But suddenly, the man was gone. Tracy was back in the morgue with
‘Nick’ and ‘Nat.’ ‘No!’ Tracy screamed silently. ‘I have to go back! I
have to convince him not to-’ Her thoughts were interrupted by the
‘Nick.’ Tracy tried to hold on to her thoughts, tried to remember why
she couldn’t forget the man in Nick’s loft, but she couldn’t. Like
sand running through her fingers, she just couldn’t hold onto it.
Looking to the ‘Nick’ she begged him to help her.

"I can't. You know I can't." He said.

‘But you have to!’ Tracy wanted to yell, but she couldn’t. She was
mute, helpless to move, barely able to think. As the ‘Nat’ answered,
Tracy was pulled away from herself, drawn into the drama unfolding
before her. 

"I've been wrong about a lot of things in my life, but I'm not wrong
about this--about what I feel from you. I'm asking for an end, Nick.
For a resolution. I'm not willing to go on like this. We can be
together." The ‘Nat’ said.

‘That’s what I need,’ Tracy thought. A resolution. She should have
asked Vachon to stay, should have made her feelings clear, maybe then
he would have stayed. Maybe if she’d asked him to bring her across...

"I can't damn you into becoming what I am." ‘Nick’ told her.

In Tracy’s mind Nick and Vachon were melting into one. Vachon had told
her once that they couldn’t be together unless he brought her across.
It had been the only time he’d even hinted that he was willing to make
her what he was. She’d been scared though, she hadn’t answered and
he’d never brought it up again. 

"There is a way. I have faith in you and whatever follows." Suddenly
Tracy stood behind Nat’s eyes, asking for what she’d never dared.

"Natalie, it's just too much to ask." But Nick was Vachon now; and he
gave the answer she’d most feared.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Tracy was back in the precinct then. She’d closed her eyes for just a
second, and she was back. Dawkins was being led somewhere, to be
contained again, locked up and forgotten. 

Suddenly, as if in slow motion, Dawkins struggled against the officer
holding him and took his gun. He grabbed a blonde officer and held her
hostage, the stolen gun to her head.

Tracy drew her gun, so did everyone else.

"Everybody, hold your fire!" Reese yelled.

"I'll kill her if you make me go back! I'll kill her! I'll kill her!"
The man called Dawkins shouted and ran into the evidence room. 

‘Kill me,’ Tracy’s mind echoed, ‘if he goes back it’ll kill me. I
can’t forget him again, no matter what that pale man in the loft
wants.’ Though her thoughts aren’t making any sense, Tracy started to
follow Dawkins. 

She heard the supply clerk begging for his life. "Don't shoot me!
Please don't shoot. Please don't kill me." 

There was a shot. But finally, it was the clerk who tumbled into the
doorway, not Dawkins. 

‘We can’t send him back.’ Tracy thought, ‘He has to die or go free,
half-way will kill us both.’ Why was she thinking these things? ‘This
has to stop!’

"You two, with me." Reese ordered two uniforms to follow him. Leaving
Tracy alone. 

‘No! I have to know.’ Tracy thought and took off on her own after
‘Dawkins.’

"Please don't hurt me!" The hostage cried.

"I'm not going back!" Dawkins yelled.

Reese found the shot officer in the evidence room, so that’s what the
shot had been. "Stay with him." He ordered one of the officers
following him. "Let's go." He told the other.

Suddenly the lights go out. Somehow it was Dawkins fault, he’d done
something.

"What the hell? Check the power." Reese ordered.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Tracy was looking for Dawkins, slowly circling around the back way.
‘Reese should have sent someone down here,’ Tracy mused, ‘Why hadn’t
he?’

It didn’t make any sense. 

Without warning Tracy was back in the morgue. She still stood behind
Nat’s eyes, but it wasn’t Vachon behind Nick’s anymore. Maybe it never
had been, it was her behind Nick’s too. Nat was the part of her that
wanted to come across, Nick was the fear.

"Whether I bring you across or not, either way, it could be a death
sentence." Nick said. Becoming a vampire would kill her humanity.

"A lonely existence without you _is_ a death sentence. With you,
there's at least hope. It’s partly my decision, Nick. But I’m not
afraid to try it." As Nat, Tracy answered back. Confused by this inner
dialogue, but comforted too. After all, wasn’t it better to muse about
dying through these players? 

‘A lonely existence without you,’ without Vachon. How like death this
emptiness was. ‘Don't let yourself become empty.’ Was that it? Did she
think she was empty without Vachon? She’d loved him! No, they’d only
been friends. ‘A vampire who had to move on.’ No, yes. What was going
on?! Which was the truth? Why couldn’t she remember?

A phone rang, Nick answered it. "Knight." A pause. "I'm on my way." 

Facing Nat, Nick told her, "There's a situation at the precinct--guy
with a gun. Nat, I—"

‘Dawkins!’ Tracy thought. ‘Yes, I remember. The precinct, I have to go
back. And Nick, Nick has to come too!’ She didn’t know why, but she
needed him to come. Tracy waited for Nat to answer, but at the same
time spoke for her.

"It's alright. We'll talk later." 

‘This has to end soon.’ Tracy thought, ‘I can’t take much more.’

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Send all comments and mugs o’ mocha to anteros@juno.com

*See disclaimers in part one.

Tracy’s Last Knight

By: Mary Jenkins

Part (4/9)

Tracy’s consciousness was jerked back into her own body. That was a
minor victory though, in the distance she could hear Dawkins
screaming. In was in the locker room now, she crept closer. She had to
get closer; she had to know, had to remember.

"Get away now! Back! I'm not going back! Kill me! I'm not going back!
I can't go back! Kill me now!" He yelled.

"Alright. Man all the exits. Let's see if we can get a negotiator in
here. And I want a SWAT team just in case." Else where in the precinct
Reese ordered an officer. 

‘Strange,’ Tracy thought, ‘I shouldn’t be able to hear the Captain.’
Somehow she was also aware when Nick walked up to him.

"Where is he?" Her partner asked.

"He took a weapon off of an officer. My guess is he's holed up in the
locker room. I'm gonna let him make the first move." Reese told him.

" Who is he?" Nick asked.

"Dolbert Dawkins. He's a transfer we're booking through." Reese said.

"I know. I arrested him." Nick nodded.

‘No.’ Tracy thought, ‘That doesn’t make any sense.’ Nick was here
partner, he hadn’t arrested Dawkins, he hadn’t been the one to put him
away, she would have known. Nick couldn’t have anything to do with
this, could he? ‘Why can’t I remember?’ Suddenly something flashed,
Nick, in the loft with that strange pale man. ‘Nick has something to
do with this. But what? What am I forgetting? Is it Nick who wants me
to forget?’ 

Tracy’s attention was drawn away from Nick for a moment. Dawkins was
in the corner of the locker room, breathing heavily, almost
hysterical. She was almost to him now. She should say something, tell
him to calm down, that everything would be okay. But she couldn’t get
herself to speak, she crouched in the corner. Waiting. Finally Nick
came in. 

"Dawkins, it's okay." Nick said. "Dawkins, it's okay. It's me,
Detective Knight."

"Knight? You better tell them to get a big body bag, cause that's the
only way I'm going out of here." Dawkins said, calming slightly.
Knight would make the pain in his head stop, Nick wouldn’t make him go
back. Wouldn’t make him go back into the darkness. He trusted Nick.

"Dawkins, listen to me. You don't really want to die, do you? And I
don't want you to hurt anyone. You wouldn't want to be responsible for
that now, would you?" Nick said, his voice had a hypnotic quality to
it.

" I'm telling you, I'm not going back." Dawkins said, no, this wasn’t
a trick. Nick wasn’t trying to make him go back.

"Dawkins, listen to me. Put the gun down on the floor. Kneel down and
lay the gun very gently on the floor." Nick approached him.

Tracy crept closer. Something was wrong here. Nick was trying to put
Dawkins back. He should be helping, he was her partner. No, he wanted
her to forget too, he wanted Dawkins to go back. Back into the
darkness, to be forgotten and locked away forever. ‘I can’t let him do
that! Better dead than buried alive!’ Tracy pointed her gun straight
at Dawkins. ‘If I have to forget I don’t want you scratching in the
background. You’ll stay quiet this time!’

"On the floor." Dawkins repeated. He could go back, he’d just get out
again. It was only a matter of time anyway. Then he saw Tracy. She was
going to kill him! He looked at Nick; and he was going to help her.
"No!"

Dawkins started to shoot. Nick charged towards him, he fired again
through Nick. Nick held him up against the wall, but he managed to
fire two more shots. He slumped to the floor, dead, he wouldn’t be put
back now. He couldn’t be forced back into the darkness again. He’d
won.

As Tracy watched, Nick turned around. He was a vampire! The
realization hit her like a ton of bricks. He’d lied to her! She looked
down at Dawkins, Nick had made her forget. Nick and that pale man,
they made her forget Vachon died. 

She’d killed Vachon! It felt like someone had punched her in the
belly, hard. No, that wasn’t right. No one had hit her, what had
happened then? Shot. That would work. Suddenly blood began to ooze
from the wound in her abdomen.

"Tracy..." Nick whispered.

Was he sorry he’d lied to her? "Nick..." She whispered, sliding down
the wall to sit stunned on the locker room’s tiled floor. 

"We need some help in here!" Nick yelled.

‘No. No more of your help Nick.’ Tracy thought, ‘I didn’t need it
before, I don’t need it now.’ "You could have trusted me." She
whispered, then everything went black.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

It was that night again, back in the loft, Tracy sat slouched on
Nick’s sofa. How many hours had she been here? Why wouldn’t they let
her go home? She wasn’t going to forget and she wasn’t going to let
the pale man convince her she should.

"Haven't you tired of this incessant guilt? Hasn't it swayed your
back? And stooped your shoulders to the point of throwing it off?"
Lacroix asked her, probably rhetorically, seemed most of the things he
said were. She tried to answer anyway.

‘No’ Tracy thought, or maybe she said it out loud and he just ignored
her. ‘I deserve to feel guilty. I killed him! I should have done more,
tried harder, told him…told him so many things.’

"You insist on taking responsibility for the actions and emotions of
those around you when they alone are truly responsible." Lacroix
continued. 

‘It wasn’t Vachon’s fault I never said how I felt, he couldn’t have
known…Maybe he could have’ Tracy felt confused, her emotions were in
turmoil, her nerves were frayed and her head ached from this man’s
constant gaze. Her eyes started to tear up. She didn’t want to cry in
front of him, but she couldn’t help it.


"It is so foolish. It is so unnecessary. It's so mortal." Lacroix
sneered.

‘I am mortal.’ She countered silently. ‘And I remember.’

"And it must stop. This and all else that has happened tonight, should
make that clear to you."

‘Maybe he’s right.’ Tracy started to think. ‘Maybe it’d be easier to
just forget. To put those painful thoughts and feelings away, to bury
them, to forget them.’

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Send all comments and anti-brainwashing manuals to anteros@juno.com

*See disclaimers in part one.

Tracy’s Last Knight

By: Mary Jenkins

Part (5/9)

The ambulance had finally arrived. Reese and the other officers mulled
around in the background, waiting to hear what had made Tracy Vetter
suddenly collapse. 


"Left pupil fixed and dilated, no response. BP is 80 over 60. Let's
get her out of here!" A paramedic shouted. "Tell ER I gave her 100mg
of Lidocaine at 23-45." 

Through the confusion of color and meaningless images Tracy heard
that. ‘Why didn’t she say anything about the gun shot wound?’ She
thought. Her stomach hurt, she felt like she was going to throw up.
Her head hurt too, her head hurt more. She could almost hear Reese and
Nick talking. Were they? No, Nick was still at Nat’s, he hadn’t really
been here. Then how did she get shot? She had been, hadn’t she?

"Are you sure you're okay?" ‘Reese’ asked ‘Nick.’

"Captain, I didn't know." ‘Nick’ answered.

"Nick, she made her own call on this one. You can't go telling
yourself it was your fault." The ‘Reese’ told him.

‘Sure he can! It –was- his fault.’ Tracy thought. She began to wonder
why she could over-hear two conversations then. One between Nick and
Reese, another between two paramedics. The paramedics seemed to be
saying something about a brain hemorrhage or a stroke, well that
didn’t have anything to do with her. She’d been shot.

"She took two bullets; abdominal and there's some really bad head
wound. I... I just can't say for sure right now." A voice in her head
said.

‘Yeah, that’s right.’ Tracy thought, ‘I was shot. But where’d the head
wound come from?’

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Nick and Natalie stood over Tracy’s hospital bed the next night. They
gotten the call at about seven the next morning, Nat had come straight
over. Waiting until nightfall had been one of the hardest things Nick
had ever done, but it couldn’t be helped. 

Nick and Nat talked quietly over her about her chances.

Tracy groaned. ‘I was shot.’ Tracy thought, ‘Why are they talking
about my head? And why is Nat here?’

Suddenly the scene shifted and Tracy stood outside herself, looking on
as Reese and Nick talked.

"They've done everything humanly possible. Now we just wait and see.
Shooting review board wants to talk. Managed to put them off until
morning. Dawkins didn't make it. Nick, you took it pretty rough."
Reese said.

"I'm doing okay." Nick said. "She still has a fighting chance."

"Yeah. She does. She does." Reese agreed.

‘The Captain doesn’t seem to care much does he?’ Tracy thought.

"But if she doesn't pull through... I'm just saying, I know what it's
like to lose a partner..." Reese continued. "Nothing on this earth
could rip you apart like that. Hell, Nick, you know that. You lost
Schanke. There is life after this when we get through. Remember that.
I'm here if you need help. Okay?"

‘What about me Captain?’ Tracy thought. ‘What, no words for you fallen
Detective? Don’t you care about me?’

"I've gotta go." Reese said, then he got up and left.

Tracy was stunned for a moment. Then she looked at Nick. ‘Guess it’s
just you and me partner.’ She smiled sadly. ‘You blood-sucking fiend.’

Nick changed then, becoming the vampire again. Tracy watched
dispassionately. Was he going to bring her across? Did she want him
to? She didn’t know.

Suddenly Tracy was back in her body again. She could hear Nick and Nat
talking over her again. Reality meshing with her dream.

"If she dies, it's my fault." Nick said. He shouldn’t have asked
Lacroix to erase her memories. Her will was too strong, Lacroix’s was
too strong, the two forces had warred within her and the all too
fragile mortal body had been the thing to break. He looked to Nat, his
eyes asking if he should bring Tracy across.

"How do you know that that's what she wants?" Her voice was soothing
and comforting, but Tracy heard it as cold and resentful.

Abruptly Tracy’s point of view changed again. She was outside herself
and Nick and Nat were yelling. Nat was angry.

"And why is it so easy to consider bringing her across and so
impossible to consider bringing me?" Nat yelled, then walked away. She
stopped by the door, turned and looked at Nick, then left.

‘She doesn’t care about me either.’ Tracy thought. ‘I wonder if anyone
does?’ Her parents hadn’t visited her, Reese didn’t care. Even her
partner…’No, Nick cares, he’d lied to her but he cared, right? And the
pale man, he’d cared. Lacroix…that had been his name, owner of the
Raven, the Nightcrawler, the one who found the headless corpse 

in his beer fridge. He cared.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Suddenly Tracy was at the Raven, it was empty. The Nightcrawler’s
radio equipment was in large, travelling cases.

"Good evening, Nicholas."

Tracy looked down at herself. ‘So I’m Nick now eh?’ She was
momentarily amused by that fact, then returned her gaze to the man
before her. He seemed happy to see her at least. Tracy took in the
traveling case. "You're leaving."

"It is time. We have come full circle in this life." He told her.

Tracy was confused. ‘Full circle?’ What did he mean? ‘I haven’t
finished yet, haven’t quite put the pieces back. Haven’t remembered,
or forgotten.’ She looked away and mumbled. "Lacroix, I'm in trouble."

"Yes, I know. Your partner, is she...?" Lacroix asked her gently.

"No." She was supposed to be Nick here she remembered, her partner was
herself. "But her chances aren't good." That’s what the orderlies had
said, ‘This one’s a goner.’

"Nicholas, don't you see? You have over-stayed your welcome. The pain
that you are causing your mortal friends is no longer acceptable to
them. Those that do survive, will not allow their relationship with
you to continue in the way that it was. They will demand change. And
you will be compromised, one way or another." Lacroix told her.

Then Tracy realized, this wasn’t Lacroix. This was logic in his form.
He couldn’t help her, he could only tell her what she already knew.
The people in her life wouldn’t let her stay the way she’d been,
withdrawn, depressed,…empty. They’d want her to talk about it; and she
couldn’t. What could she say anyway? ‘The vampire I loved skipped town
on me?’ Tracy scoffed, not likely! ‘But wait, that wasn’t what had
happened. Vachon died, he didn’t leave!’ No, she could remember him
leaving…she could remember dying too. What was real? She didn’t know! 

"Even if I wanted to leave, I couldn't. Too many loose ends to tie
up." Tracy told him. ‘Too many unanswered questions.’

"I've seen you leave looser." Lacroix taunted.

She had. Things like Jody, her mother’s drinking, dad’s manipulations.
Dozens of things she let just ignored, hoping they would go away or
turned and looked the other way as they were swept under the rug.
Maybe she should just let this one go to? Maybe it’d be better if she
just forgot about it. Let it slip away like all the others. She could
run, just like Vachon…No, she wouldn’t. "I just can't walk away.
Natalie needs me. I have to be here for Tracy." She answered as Nick,
wanting to break out of this farce, but going along with it none the
less. It’s what ‘Lacroix’ seemed to want anyway.

"Nicholas, the time has come. I will be at your loft tonight, for your
decision. And then I'm leaving. With or without you." 

‘No!’ Tracy thought frantically. ‘You can’t leave! Not yet, I’ve
almost figured it out!’ Then something echoed in her mind. ‘I will be
at your loft tonight.’ She remembered the loft! Lacroix had been in
the loft with her!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Suddenly it was that night again. Nick’s loft. Lacroix stood before
her, telling her why Vachon had left. Nick watched impassively from
the shadows. He was letting him do this to her. They were almost done.
Soon they’d let her go home. 

"For all the things that we are, there is a price to be paid." Lacroix
told her. 

‘By ‘we’ you mean vampires?’ She asked, Lacroix didn’t seem to hear
her.

"Love may be tasted, but never savored. In our darkest moments, we may
envy mortality, but we should never aspire to it." He continued.

‘He didn’t have to leave.’ She began. ‘No, wait, he didn’t leave he
died! I killed him!’ A fresh wave of pain washed over her.

"Guilt is a poison." Lacroix ground out, seemingly annoyed at her for
remembering. He went on as if she hadn’t. "And staying past our time
is death. But it need not be. If we truly care for a mortal, truly
love one, then we must go." 

For the first time all night it looked like Nick was going to say
something. But then Lacroix just looked at him. "Isn't that what you
taught me?" And Nick remained silent.

"Leaving is the purest form of love." Lacroix finished.

It seemed so reasonable. Vachon had left.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Send all comments and bottles of advil™ (writing this is giving me
quite a headache) to anteros@juno.com

*See disclaimers in part one.

Tracy’s Last Knight

By: Mary Jenkins

Part (6/9)

Nick and Nat sat by Tracy’s bedside. A vigil really, by this point
nothing could really save her. It’d been only twenty-four hours since
she’d collapsed, but it seemed like an eternity.

"You can’t blame yourself Nick." Nat whispered.

Nick was staring intently at Tracy, unblinking, unthinking, just
staring. After a few seconds he pulled his gaze away and looked at
Natalie. "This is different Nat." He sighed. "Worse then Schanke, this
was a direct result of what I am. If I hadn’t…"

"Nick!" Nat said sharply. Then her voice grew soft. "What’s done is
done. You can’t beat yourself up. It was a mistake. Tracy would have
forgiven you."

Nick regarded her with hooded eyes. "I wish I could believe that."

Tracy didn’t hear any of this exchange however. She was rethinking a
passage she’d read in Haynes journal. Natalie had that journal now,
she knew. So it was Nat she saw reading it. "Everyone's pain is my
problem, but mine is mine alone. I have solutions for all, but none
for myself. I have to stop and think. 'Where am I? What am I doing?'
I'm not coming. I'm going. I'm gone." 


In the hospital Nat’s cell phone rang. "Lambert."

Tracy could hear Nat talking, she didn’t bother to listen. Her
thoughts were coming almost randomly now. ‘I wish Nick would let me
drive the Caddy.’

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Suddenly Tracy was behind the wheel of the Caddy. She didn’t recognize
the street though. She was back in Nick’s body, the police dispatch
was on.

"Unit 2-11, we have a 5-15 over on Wellington Street—" It squawked. 

‘‘Wellington St.’ That’s the street I grew up on.’ Tracy mused, she
turned it off. She didn’t want to work tonight. She didn’t have to,
she’d been shot. Instead she flipped on the radio.

"Tonight our topic is your love life. Are you happy? Lonely?
Fulfilled? Empty?" Some nameless, faceless DJ asked her.

‘None of your business!’ Tracy thought crossly, then she calmed
slightly. ‘Lonely.’ She sighed. Then she finished the thought with the
word that kept popping up. ‘Empty.’ She didn’t want to think about
this anymore. She shouldn’t be tooling around town in her partner’s
gas guzzler, she should be looking for the pale man! He had the
answers she was sure. But where was he?

"What happened to the Nightcrawler?" A caller echoed.

"He said it was time to move on." The DJ said.

‘He can’t leave!’ She thought frantically. She –had- to see him, where
was he? ‘I will be at your loft tonight, for your decision.’ That’s
what he said! Tracy took a hard left at the next intersection and
hoped she could find her way there. 

"I want to hear from all of you lonely hearts out there. I know
there's a lot of you so get on the phone and call me." The DJ droned
on.

‘Fat chance sister.’ Tracy thought. ‘There’s only one person who can
help me now.’

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Nat looked at the phone as if it were a snake about to bite her.

"Nat?" Nick asked, "What is it?"

Nat quickly handed him the phone. "It’s for you."

Frowning Nick accepted her cell phone. "Hello?"

"Hello Nicholas." Lacroix’s voice came over the line. 

"Lacroix." Nick grimaced, was he calling to rub it in? Then something
occurred to him. "How’d you get Nat’s number?"

There was a beat of silence. Lacroix wasn’t sure how to answer that.
Should he admit he’d been playing phone tag for the past half-hour
trying to get a hold of his son? How he’d eventually been forced to
try Dr. Lambert’s home number from out of the phone book, reached her
answering machine and been directed to this number? No, of course he
couldn’t say that! Instead he simple said, "I have my ways Nicholas,
you should know that by now."

Nick’s frown deepened. "What do you want?"

Again there was a beat of silence. Lacroix sounded almost subdued when
he finally said, "I’ve sensed some disturbing emotions through our
link Nicholas, I’d wondered…if there was something wrong."

Nick’s eyebrows shot up. His surprise showed quite clearly and Nat
threw him a questioning look. It took a moment for Nick to find his
voice. True, his relationship with his master was better than it’d
been in centuries, but his restrained concern was still a shock. Maybe
this was a trick, some game he was just setting him up for. "Why
didn’t you just come and find me, a phone call is hardly your style."

The real reason Lacroix hadn’t just gone in search of Nicholas had
been the very simple fact that he could barely feel him anymore. Their
link was weakening, it was a trend that had started a century ago,
soon after Nicholas had began his quest. This was the weakest it had
ever been, not that Lacroix would ever admit that to his son. At first
Lacroix had thought Nicholas’s turbulent emotions were the result of
one of the good doctor’s attempts at a cure. But from his son’s voice
he could tell this was not the elation of a new potential potion or
concoction. So what was wrong? "I know how that annoys you Nicholas, I
thought I would try it this way for once." He chuckled. "Perhaps spare
myself some of your wrath."

"I-" Nick began. Then shook his head, he decided to just take Lacroix
at his word this time. He didn’t want to play any of his sick little
games. "Tracy Vetter is in the hospital." He said matter-of-factly. 

"Indeed?" Lacroix asked. 

Was that concern he heard in his voice? Lacroix –had- seemed impressed
by his partner that night in his loft. "She’s dying." Nick continued.
"Because of what we did."

Silence. Then the phone went dead in Nick’s hand.

"What?" Nat asked at Nick’s disconcerted look.

"He hung up." Nick said a confused shrug.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Somehow Tracy managed to find the loft, despite the fact that she
hadn’t recognized and of the street names. She parked the Caddy
quickly than practically ran to the elevator. But when the steel doors
finally opened they revealed not Lacroix but Natalie Lambert.

Why was the coroner here?

"Tracy Vetter passed away twenty minutes ago." Nat told her solemnly.

‘I’m not dead!’ Tracy thought. ‘I’m here! Or maybe back at the
hospital.’ She began to get confused. It seemed she could hear people
talking in the distance about unplugging a respirator. But that didn’t
make any sense so she ignored it. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

It took Lacroix only a few minutes to make it to the hospital. Plus
one more to get a disagreeable Head Nurse to agree that he was to be
allowed in despite being seven hours too late for visiting hours, get
down the right hall and make it to Tracy Vetter’s room. All in all,
eight minutes. 

"Lacroix!" Nat gasped as the two-thousand year old vampire entered.

Lacroix looked angry. "You were just going to let her die then?"

"I-" Nat began, but Lacroix shot her a quelling look and she stopped.

"There’s nothing we-" Nick stood as Lacroix approached the bed.
"Lacroix." He said warningly.

"She could be brought across." Lacroix stated.

"Haven’t we interfered in her life enough?" Nick said quietly. "We’re
the reason she’s like this." He ran his fingers through his already
mussed hair. "I’m the reason she’s like this."

Nat gasped and reached and trembling hand out towards Nick.

Lacroix ignored the exchange, he continued to stare at Tracy’s still
form. This girl had pleased him greatly. She had a strength in her, an
untapped potential. He couldn’t just let her pass on.

"Go." Lacroix ordered.

Nick and Nat just stared at him for a moment.

"You don’t know that’s what she’d want." Nat insisted quietly, but not
as strongly as she might. She didn’t want Tracy to die either.

Lacroix glanced at her sharply. "She’s not really in any position to
chose is she?" He bit out. "She can always walk into the dawn if…" He
trailed off.

It had been a long time since Nick had seen his master like this. He
seemed so distracted. Well, distracted from him at least. He seemed
quite focused on his partner he had to admit. Maybe it was because he
secretly –wanted- Tracy to be brought across, even though he couldn’t
bring himself to do it. Or maybe it was because he knew Lacroix needed
another daughter after the loss of Jeanette, and Tracy was a better
candidate than most. But either way, Nick took Natalie’s arm and led
her from the room.

"Come on Nat. Leave them." Nick whispered. He shut the door after
them, leaving Lacroix and Tracy alone.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Send all comments and tips on how –I- can get left alone with Lacroix
to anteros@juno.com

*See disclaimers in part one.

Tracy’s Last Knight

By: Mary Jenkins

Part (7/9)

Lacroix stared down at the girl before him. ‘What a fragile thing a
mortal is.’ He thought fleetingly. Slowly he sat down on the edge of
her bed. Reaching down, he smoothed her bangs off her face. "Such a
precious jewel." He whispered.

Looking around the dark, sterile room he added, "In such an ugly
place." Thanks to Commissioner Vetter’s deep pocket, Tracy had a
private room. Not that Richard Vetter had found the time to visit his
darling daughter. The mother hadn’t either, too busy drowning her
sorrows to be bothered. From the visitor sign-in sheet, Lacroix knew
only his son, the doctor and her captain had visited. 

"Such a sad state of affairs when no one notices an angel has fallen."
He whispered. Lacroix pulled off the offending plastic mask from her
face and the tube from her mouth. She began to gasp then; the heart
monitor began to beep wildly as the girl fought for her life. "Hush.
It’ll be better soon." He cooed.

Gathering her in his arms, he pushed the golden locks from her neck
and bit her. Her blood was sweet. It tasted of fruit. ‘Peaches’ he
thought. She was beautiful, inside and out. Her character, her will,
Nicholas would say her ‘soul,’ were perfect. Then Lacroix caught some
of her thoughts through her blood and frowned. ‘What is this then?’

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Suddenly Tracy was thrown out of Nick’s body and became the observer
once again.

"Lacroix thinks I'm a fool for bearing this guilt, trying to somehow
atone for what I've done. Maybe he's right. All I've ever caused was
pain. And more death." Nick said.

‘Yeah, that make sense.’ Tracy thought. The pale man had chastised her
for her guilt, he would Nick for his as well. ‘But what is this about
‘atonement?’’ She hadn’t tried to make up for killing Vachon…The light
dawned. Somehow she suddenly knew it was Nick who wanted to ‘atone.’
She’d already figure out he was a vampire, she’d seen that when she’d
been shot. But now the final pieces began to fall into place. Nick
wasn’t just playing at being a cop. He was a cop to make up for his
past! It made sense now, why he was always so moody and guilty. She
should have seen it before.

"That's not true." Nat said.

‘Of course it is! I should have seen it months ago!’ Tracy thought,
but then realized that Nat wasn’t talking to her.

" Tracy. Cohen. Schanke. How many over the centuries, because of what
I am?" Nick answer.

"And how may lives were you able to save because of what you are?
You've more than made up for what you've done in the past." Nat asked.

Tracy frowned. This was different. Not like the other times. She
didn’t have any control. What was going on?

"It's not enough. It's never enough. I'm leaving. Tonight." Nick said.

"What about me?" Nat seemed surprised.

What was going on? Tracy was getting even more lost, they seemed the
same, but different too. Nat seemed…more desperate. She looked like
she was going to do something rash. Tracy had never seen her like
this, no jokes, no strength. Nick seemed wrong too. What was going on?
This seemed wrong. It was almost like there was another element now.
Tracy looked around the loft wildly. Someone else was here.

" I'm leaving because of you. You don't want my love. It would only
destroy you." Nick continued.

"There's a way. There is one cure that we haven't tried. Jeanette
became mortal by making love to Robert, taking just a little at a
time." Nat said.

‘Huh?’ Tracy thought. ‘Cure?’ What cure? Who wanted to be cured of
anything?

" It was more complicated than that, Nat." Nick told her.

"I'm willing to take my chances." The strange Nat insisted. 

"Well, I'm not. What if I take too much? I'm not willing to live a
life of eternal pain." Nick shot back.

"Is it any different than living a life of eternal regret? It's partly
my choice too, Nick. Did Lacroix ever talk to you about faith?" Nat
asked.

‘Natalie knows about Lacroix?’ Tracy wondered. ‘No, why would she know
him?’ She watched as the things that looked like her partner and the
coroner continued to debate.

"In what?" Nick asked.

"In yourself. In an afterlife. I don't know. In a greater being who
loves us no matter who we are and what we do." Nat shrugged.

‘No.’ Tracy thought, ‘That’s not even close to Nat. Nat doesn’t go in
for any spiritual stuff. If the doctor ever found out about vampires,
she’d probably say it was a blood disease or something.’ This was more
like her. Tracy had always been a spiritual person, she didn’t go to
church anymore. Her father had always scoffed at organized religion.
But religions, the occult, it all fascinated her. Things like Native
American talismans and reincarnation were her favorite late night
reads, after a good crime thriller of course. That’s probably the
first thing that had drawn her to Vachon. He was proof that things
existed outside the realm of her understanding. He’d been her symbol
that she –could- believe there were things beyond. 

"Faith is a mortal folly, Nat." Nick said.

"His words or yours?" Nat countered. "Do you really believe that's
true?" 

‘Why are they talking about Lacroix?’ Tracy frowned.

"I'm not sure." Nick whispered.

‘Either am I.’ Tracy thought.

"Well I don't accept the sum of our existence can be measure in the
few short years that we're alive here. It would make everything that
we believe meaningless. It would make our whole live here,
meaningless. I know that that's not true and so do you. You have
faith, Nick. And if it's a mortal folly, than you're the most mortal
man I've ever known." As Nat spoke, her voice was soothing, beckoning.


‘Very unlike Nat.’ Tracy thought. ‘Who thought Nat was like this?’
Tracy glanced around the lost again. These weren’t her thoughts. Nat
wasn’t a temptress trying to coerce Nick into anything, at least not
like this.

"You cannot deny what I am." Nick said.

"You can't deny what's in your heart." The temptress Nat insisted.

"What are you saying?" Nick asked.

‘Yes, what are you saying?’ Tracy echoed.

"I have faith that there is a future for us. Here, as we are, or
somewhere else. I believe in you. I trust you. Make love to me, Nick.
Take just a little at a time." Nat asked.

‘What?!’ Tracy thought. ‘Everyone knows you guys have already-‘ But
no, she’d thought that before she’d found out Nick was a vampire.
Vachon said mortals and vampires couldn’t be together unless you
brought the mortal across. That’s what Nat was asking! ‘She wants to
be brought across!’ Tracy smiled as she finally figured it out. But
the ‘other’ force, the one in the shadows told her she was wrong, not
with words, but with a feeling.

"I'm afraid of what might happen." Nick said.

"Don't be afraid. I'm not afraid of death. Or of an eternity in
darkness, as long as I can spend it with you. All I have is faith and
love. All I'm asking is for you to make love to me. I trust you." Nat
said.

"I won't leave you. Whatever happens, we'll be together." Nick smiled.

The force in the shadows seemed to balk at that statement. Tracy
squinted, trying to see who was there, but she couldn’t. She just knew
someone was.

"Forever." Nat whispered. Then Nick bit her. Natalie seemed a bit
frightened and she tried to get Nick to stop. He didn’t.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Send all comments and dark pink straight jackets to anteros@juno.com 


*See disclaimers in part one.

Tracy’s Last Knight

By: Mary Jenkins

Part (8/9)

Lacroix wretched his head away. Well that had certainly been
interesting! Was she mad then or was that simply a dream brought on by
his intrusion into her mind? An interesting coping mechanism if it
was. 

He listened as the beeps of heart monitors slowed. ‘Incredible thing
modern technology.’ He mused as he tugged the clip of Tracy’s still
fingers. He didn’t need any useless gadget to tell him when it was
time. He listened to her heart slow just a bit more, opened his wrist
and pressed the wound to her pale lips. "Drink." He whispered. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A montage of scenes ran through Tracy’s mind. Mostly they were of
Nick, but in the background of each, or sometimes the forefront, there
was always –him- in one form or another. The man in the shadows
stepped forward then. It was Lacroix, it had always been Lacroix, it
–would- always be Lacroix.

She was behind Nick’s eyes again. Tracy gasped as she looked down at
Natalie’s limp body. Gently she lay her on the floor. It wasn’t
–really- Nat though. It was what was left of her humanity, lying
there, almost gone now. She stared down at her.

"Well, all that remains now is to turn off the lights and lock the
door on our way out. Unless, of course, you have decided to add her to
our entourage? Oh, Nicholas, you 

have thought this through, haven't you?" Lacroix tsked. 

"I couldn't stop myself. I've taken too much." Tracy sobbed. There was
no way to keep her anymore, not as a mortal, not human. She could
bring her back as a puppet, a sick imitation or parody of life. Try to
act the same, try to hold on to the same morals and truths, but it
wouldn’t be real. The human would be dead.

"There she lies at the brink, Nicholas. Her fate is in your hands.
Bring her across or let her die. You must decide." Lacroix said,
waiting in the background. Would this girl try to resurrect her
humanity, and that was what this was, rather a strange way to show it
but there it was none-the-less. 

"Lacroix, is it possible for a vampire to have faith?" Tracy asked.

"That is a strange question at this moment in time." Lacroix became
uneasy, what was she doing? This wasn’t about faith, this was whether
to become wholly a vampire or to try to cling to the tattered shreds
of one’s humanity. Why would she bring up something as mundane as
faith?

"Have you ever had faith? In anything, but yourself?" Tracy pressed.

Lacroix looked down at the girl before him, clad in his son’s form. If
she really wanted to know…"I have seen too much." He told her, though
he’d never seen anything like this world she’d created.

"Well, then, maybe I haven't seen enough." Tracy sighed. She couldn’t
do it, couldn’t become a vampire and let her soul die. 

Lacroix began to worry, she wasn’t going to come across the easy way,
she was going to cling to her humanity like a drowning victim to the
most waterlogged drift-wood, oh well, most did. Nicholas had, though
Jeanette had let hers die that first night. As this extraordinary girl
was for some reason claiming his son’s form in this world, he answered
her as if she were Nicholas. "After nearly eight hundred years?
Nicholas, be done with her. Time heals all. We must move on. You
cannot deny what you are."

"I can't condemn her to this darkness." Tracy said, ‘I can’t condemn
myself, it wouldn’t really be me anyway,’ she added silently. She
leaned down and kissed Natalie’s cheek. 

"A wise decision. We even have time for a burial, if you like."
Lacroix said. She wasn’t going to play at Nicholas’ folly, a wise
decision indeed.

"She had faith in me. In what's beyond. That we can have a life
together; that this would be a beginning, not an end. I have that
faith too." Tracy said, staring down at Natalie’s still form. There
really wasn’t any point to going on without this part of her. She’d
once told Vachon she sensed evil in vampires, she’d been wrong though.
For whatever they were vampires weren’t evil, they were just lacking
something. Something very important. Something Tracy didn’t think she
could go on without. She didn’t want to be like Nick-…empty.

She looked around for a way out; she needed to end this now. She
couldn’t take it any longer. Then she spotted it, a stake. Walking to
the fireplace she picked it up a hugged it to herself for a moment. 

Lacroix’s eyes widened. "Don't be foolish, Nicholas. Life is a gift."
‘In whatever form life is a gift.’ He thought.

"As sweet as the freshest peach." ‘Like your blood, life will be
different but still as sweet.’ He wasn’t sure how to reason with her;
she wasn’t even looking at him anymore, just staring intently down at
Dr. Lambert.

"As precious as a gilded jewel." ‘And you are a precious jewel Tracy
Vetter; and you belong to me. I will not just let you die!’ He vowed
to himself. ‘You can create a thousand worlds and I will never let you
go!’

"I have never been able to understand the logic of willfully
surrendering such a treasure." He continued. This might work, he’d
tasted her repulsion at the thought of suicide, and that was what this
was, he had to make her see that. "And what is there to gain? How dark
can your existence be when compared to an eternal void? Unless of
course, you have faith that there is something beyond." She didn’t
know, she doubted, he knew she did. He had her now.

Tracy didn’t say anything. She just stood there, looking down at the
Doctor. 

Did she even hear him? Lacroix was getting desperate, "What do you see
from where you stand? A bright light at the end of the tunnel? Is it a
ray of hope? A glimmer of something better? Or will it burn you like
the rising sun? Is that sound you're hearing the trumpeting of Saint
Peter's angels or the screams of Memnoch's tortured souls? You can't
answer that, can you? Because you will never know the answer until
after the deed is done." 

Tracy still didn’t respond.

"And is your faith really that strong?" He asked with a sneer.

She moved slightly, seemingly uncomfortable at that question, but
still she said nothing.

"And so, in your eyes, I am the Devil." Lacroix bit out. ‘Offering
naught but damnation.’

Tracy looked up at him. "No. Not the Devil, Lacroix."

"What then?" He asked, almost fearful.

Tracy closed her eyes for a moment, then said, "You are my closest
friend." The sad fact was that it was probably true. Everyone else was
gone, or had lied to her, or just abandoned her, either physically
like Jody, or emotionally like her parents. Even her partner and
Natalie, who’d sat vigil with her last night, and she –had- heard them
on some level, had talked mostly about themselves. At least Lacroix
cared, he’d offered her the greatest gift he could. It wasn’t his
fault she couldn’t accept. 

Tracy walked over and placed the stake in Lacroix’s hand. Her eyes
told him what was going to happen, what had to happen. She then went
and kneeled beside her humanity, her soul, her hope and ultimately the
reason for her death. 

"Damn you, Nicholas." Lacroix cursed, raising the stake over his head.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Damn you Tracy Vetter!" Lacroix cursed, pulling his wrist from her
now red stained lips. She wasn’t drinking, she’d taken some than
stopped. In that- that ‘world’ of hers, she’d refused his gift! She’d
rather die than cross over and lose her ‘faith.’ 

Rarely had anyone ever rejected the treasure he offered, never when
they understood what it was. Yet, this girl had. How dare she! "You
will not escape me so easily my Jewel." He whispered. 

The blood she’d ingested had been enough to form the weakest of links.
He could feel her dying. "I’m not going to let you win this one." He
promised. 

Taking up the call button, he quickly pressed it. Within minutes a
young nurse had arrived.

Lacroix looked directly at her and said, "She needs a transfusion,
immediately."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Send all comments, apple juice and cookies to anteros@juno.com

*See disclaimers in part one.

Tracy’s Last Knight

By: Mary Jenkins

Part (9/9)

When Tracy woke the first thing she noticed were the flowers. They
were everywhere, there must have been at least ten dozen white roses
all bundled up with pink ribbon. Her hospital room was absolutely
filled with them. 

She looked about her room, she was alone. Sunlight streamed in through
the window, for a moment she just watched the dust motes dance along
the beam. Hazily she remembered the prior few days, at least she
thought she did. It didn’t make a lot of sense now. She hadn’t been
shot, but Nick –was- a vampire. She remembered the night Nick took her
to the loft, but then she remembered being there with Nat as well.
Some had really happened, but most hadn’t. She was confused, but at
least her head didn’t hurt anymore.

She sat there quietly for awhile, trying to sort out what had really
happened. 

A candy striper came in and offered her a plate of tapioca pudding.
Tracy declined. 

She was left alone again. She played with the adjustable bed for a
bit. If she pushed the orange button the back would raise up. 

Picking up the remote control Tracy flipped on the TV. The hospital
only got four channels, two of which were home shopping shows. The
Jerry Tate show was on though. She watched for a bit then turned it
off. She really didn’t need to hear about ‘One Newscasters Struggle
with Alcoholism,’ she already knew more than she needed to on that
anyway. 

She spent a good hour sitting alone trying to make sense of the images
in her head before she received a visitor. Natalie Lambert.

"Hey kiddo!" Nat gave her a smile, though Tracy thought it looked
rather strained. "How you feelin’?"

"Hi Nat." Tracy smiled. "Still alive and kicking." She joked.

The pathologist laughed nervously.

"Nat? What happened?" Tracy asked. She glanced at the wall where her
chart should be, it was noticeably absent. 

"Don’t you remember?" Nat asked.

"No, I can’t." Tracy shook her head. No, that wasn’t quite true, she
–did-remember, trouble was she remembered it several different ways
all at the same time.

"You collapsed, in the precinct two nights ago." Nat said gently. 

"Because of what Nick and that man did." Tracy said matter-of-factly.

Nat flinched but then nodded. "Yes, but you’re better now. Lacroix,
he…" She trailed off, how do you tell someone they were alive because
of a quick does of vampire blood? 

"He bit me." Tracy frowned. The pale man had tried to bring her
across, or had it been Nick? She seemed to remember Nat getting bit
somewhere along the way too.

"Yes, but you didn’t come across." Nat gestured to the sunlight.
Apparently Tracy now knew she knew about vampires. At least she hoped
she did, it could be that the blonde was too confused to remember she
wasn’t supposed to talk about such things. Lacroix had told Nick and
her in the hall last night that Tracy had been ‘dreaming,’ but hadn’t
really explained what he’d meant. Nat looked down at Tracy, she looked
like a lost child. The blonde was staring off into space with an
utterly confused expression. It scared her.

"Where is he?" Tracy asked suddenly.

"Who?" Nat asked genuinely confused.

"The pale-" Tracy paused and corrected herself. "Lacroix. Where is
he?"

"Tracy." Nat began slowly, "It’s still daylight out, he can’t come.
You know why right?"

Tracy looked at her for a moment, then the light seemed to dawn. "Oh,
right. Of course." Tracy nodded then laughed nervously. "I don’t know
why I thought he’d be here. It just felt like he was, I-, that doesn’t
make any sense though does it?" 

Nat watched her. Though Tracy was smiling she could tell she was
scared. Nat went over what she’d just said, ‘it just felt like he
was.’ ‘Damn!’ Nat thought, ‘They have a link. They were connected
somehow.’ "It’ll be okay Tracy. We won’t let him hurt you."

Tracy frowned. "I don’t think he will. I don’t think he can." 

Nat bit her lip. This was not going well. The sun was almost down,
Nick would be here soon at least.

"He tried to bring me across, but I wouldn’t come." Tracy said slowly.

Nat’s eyes widened. So that’s what had happened! "Lacroix wouldn’t
say-"

Tracy cut her off. "I killed Vachon you know. He was going mad, I had
to stake him. Well actually he impaled himself, but I was holding it,
so it really amounts to the same thing." She mumbled.

Natalie gasped. She hadn’t known that! "I- I, oh Trace…"

"I buried him next to Screed." She looked up. "Did you ever meet
Screed? He ate rats."

Nat nodded. She’d met Screed. 

"They wanted me to forget. I don’t know why." Tracy leaned heavily
into the mound of pillows at her back. "They didn’t have the right."

Nat looked at Tracy’s drawn face. "It’ll be okay. They’re going to fix
things. You’ll remember everything soon." ‘For better or worse.’ She
added silently.

"I already remember. Trouble is I remember –everything-," she laughed
lightly, "both the lies and the truth."

"Give it time." Nat said. Fact was she didn’t know –what- to say. She
couldn’t really help. Tracy needed a therapist not a pathologist.

"I killed you." Tracy said suddenly.

"What?" Nat gasped.

"In my dreams. It wasn’t really you though. It was me." Tracy mumbled.

"Tracy…" Nat said.

"It’s all right Doctor Lambert." Lacroix said from the doorway.

Nat’s head came up with a snap. She glanced at the window, it wasn’t
quite dark yet, apparently Lacroix could tolerate more sun than Nick.
"She seems disoriented. What is she talking about…killing me?"

Lacroix gave the Natalie a truly wicked grin. He knew the truth, but
he wasn’t going to share. "Nothing to worry about my good Doctor.
Perhaps you’d be so kind as to leave me with my…leave me with Miss
Vetter."

Nat didn’t move.

"It’s okay." Tracy gave a wan smile. "Leave okay Nat? I’ll be okay."
Her smile brightened then. "I’ll scream if I need anything."

Nat didn’t look to sure, but presented with a united front she really
didn’t have much choice. She shot Lacroix a warning glare and said to
Tracy. "I’ll be right outside."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Once she’d gone Lacroix shut the door firmly and walked to Tracy’s
bedside. "We have much to talk about you and I." He said calmly.

Tracy looked up at him. She could see him, but she could –feel- him as
well. They were connected somehow now. His blood flowed in her veins
now. Eventually the turmoil in her mind would settle. She’d learn to
deal with the discrepancies in her memories of the past few weeks,
since Vachon’s death/leaving. Now that she recognized the truth it
would be easier. But her connection to this man before her would never
lessen, for some reason she knew it wouldn’t. She smiled up at him. He
looked nearly as confused at her smile as she felt. 

"Yes." She said quietly. "We have a lot to say to each other I think."
She motioned for him to sit and he did. Her smile brightened. She
wasn’t alone anymore, she wasn’t empty. She had him now. She’d always
have him.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Well? Was that weird or what? Send all comments and security blankets
to anteros@juno.com