Memories of a Lifetime By StormyNite Written January 2000 Timeline: 5 years after Last Knight Characters: Nick/Nat/Janette/LaCroix New Characters: Adam Norris, Jasmine Norris Spoilers & Rating: Rated PG 14. Spoilers for Last Knight, Be My Valentine, Only the Lonely Posted to: Mel's Fiction Page and Stormy's Fiction Page Only Beta Readers: MaryLou Manzie and Katherine Robert and Alexis Starmer Disclaimers: I don't own the Forever Knight crew, only Sony does. This is for purely entertainment purposes and no monetary exchange has occurred. All comments are welcome at Stormy's place linked at the end of each section. You must have end part ?/? to have a complete copy. Some sections are really long so look for them. Thanks to those who have asked about this particular story since the end of last year. I truly intended to have it finished by the end of 1999, but I just didn't like it. So I started over and this is what you get. Hope it was worth the wait. Part 1 "You know Karen, I just feel so connected to Harry after all these years. I just can't imagine living without him." Clarise stated calmly to the group before her as they drank their cappuccino and munched on dessert. "I know exactly how you feel." Karen said with a sigh. Kevin seems to be more attentive as we grow older. I'm really looking forward to retirement in a few years. There's just a close bond that will never be broken. Don't you feel that way, Jasmine?" Karen glanced at her friend sitting quietly at the table. Her hair glistened in the sunlight and once again she was struck with envy. Jasmine smiled at her friends and took another sip of her coffee before she spoke. "We are all very lucky women, but you know we have to get back to planning the art auction. I spoke with Adrienne and she said they were receiving donations from all over and some were incredible. We need to get this all put together with the catering as well as the funds committee." Jasmine's beautiful smile and clear skin made her appear much younger than she was, but her skills at fundraising were unsurpassed and they all knew it. The women got down to work, pulled out their planners and made the social conversation into a business lunch after all. ---------several hours later Jasmine walked out of the restaurant and sat quietly in her white, Mercedes 300E. It was happening again, that feeling of unrest and uncertainty in her life. She stared at the huge ring on her finger and the dashboard of her car. She had everything a woman could want, money, a man who loved her and perfect health. She shook herself mentally, but the feeling of sadness washed over her anyway. Every time her friends discussed their husbands and families, the sadness would return. What was it? She was comfortable in her marriage and felt loved, but was she happy? She had never been quite able to put her finger on what was missing in their relationship. She sighed as the familiar ache in her chest washed over her once more. The headaches would follow. She should get home and find the migraine medicine in a hurry or pay the price. She'd had 5 years of practice and it was always the same. No reason to believe today would be otherwise. She started the car and drove off. ---------- Adam walked into the kitchen and threw his keys on the counter. It was late and Jasmine's car was in the garage. He poured himself a brandy from the bar and walked out into the garden. The sun had slipped over the horizon hours ago and he knew where he'd find her. She walked aimlessly through the garden becoming one with the night just as she had many times before. He watched in fascination as his wife drifted elsewhere. Once again he questioned his motives 5 years earlier. The sadness around her touched him even 20 feet away. The headaches had returned. He thought they'd conquered those and she'd moved on. Her auburn hair seemed to have life of its own as she knelt down and snipped some of the jasmine from the small plant before her. Instantly, she brought it to her nose to let the fragrance wash over her. Her affinity for the flower was why he chose that name for her on that fateful day. She was more beautiful now than the day they'd met. "Jasmine?" He said softly, knowing she would hear even from the furthest corner of the garden. When she turned, he gasped. It never ceased to amaze him how beautiful she was in the moonlight. When she smiled her whole face was aglow and he knew he'd made the right decision. "Adam, how is Mrs. Domly?" She walked to him and gave him a quick kiss. "She's better. Not suicidal any longer. I was afraid to leave before her medication kicked in. Jacob Mormon came in for a consult and took over. She needs to be watched closely for a few days. Her husband died this morning, so I'm sure it's going to take her awhile. Her injuries from the car accident were minimal since she was thrown clear, but the image of her daughter bleeding to death in her arms may never go away. I only hope Jacob can help her." He said sadly as he embraced his wife of 4 years in his arms and buried his head in her luxurious mane of hair. She smelled of cinnamon and jasmine as always. Pulling her head from his shoulder she stared into his eyes with confidence. "You're the best internal medicine man Memorial has. You have helped thousands of people to live normal lives again and kept more than I can count from committing suicide. You should have been a psychologist as well." She planted a light kiss on his lips, but there was sadness in her eyes and he knew why. "You're my biggest supporter. I will never understand that, but it means more than you know." "You helped me, Adam. I am a fully functioning woman again. That would have never happened without you and Jacob. You were there when I needed you most with love and support that no one else could have given. You gave me back my life. Just because I can't remember anything prior to that day in the hospital when I woke up doesn't mean you failed. It isn't physical." Jasmine twirled in the moonlight before him in the tight stretch pants and the long angora sweater that hit her mid thigh. The moonlight caught the reflecting silver threads throughout the black sweater and flashed brightly as she spun slowly. The outfit accented every curve and the fact that she was a woman filled with love and passion. "See...now how can you call this a failure." He smiled once more and offered his hand to her, which she gladly accepted. "Come have a drink with me and tell me what caused the headaches this time." He said solemnly as they walked into the house. "How do you always know?" Jasmine said sadly. "They're gone now, so it doesn't matter." She looked at him hopefully wanting him not to press it again. He touched her face with his fingertips and she withdrew instantly as if burnt. She saw the pain in his eyes and regretted it immediately. "I don't know why I do that." She said softly and grasped his hand between hers, but didn't let it touch her face again. "I think you should see Jacob Mormon, Jasmine. The headaches should have stopped and they haven't. Maybe he can help you were I couldn't. We're too close. I shouldn't have been playing shrink. You know you are not supposed to treat your relatives. I've done you an injustice." He leaned over and kissed her lips gently. "Please...do it for me." She saw the need in his eyes and finally agreed. ----------- Dr. Jacob Mormon's office: 5 days later. "Jasmine, how are you?" Jacob Mormon extended his hand to hers, then guided her to a chair. "I'm well, Jacob, except Adam doesn't think so. I still suffer these headaches and some depression at times. He feels like he's failed me since my memory hasn't returned. I'm here at his request, not mine." She smiled sadly trying to hide the insecurity she felt at the moment. "It's okay, Jasmine. I understand your hesitancy. Adam's told me a great deal how you met, and Margaret is a big fan of yours. She swears that you had to have been a fundraiser or the head of a charity to be able to do what you do. Please have a seat and let's talk. You never know, maybe Adam's right, you just need a stranger to give you a nudge and it will all come back." His smiled warmed his face and she felt safe. It had to be a practiced art since Adam did it as well. "What if I don't want to remember? What if I'm a criminal? I don't think I want to know. I wouldn't want Adam to have to deal with it. He's done so much for me as it is. I don't want to be more of a burden to him." Jacob smiled sadly at the beautiful woman before him. Knowing how much his friend and co-worker loved this woman, it hurt to realize she was not truly in love with him as well. "Jasmine, your past is a part of you. It's what makes you who you are. In the 5 years that we've known you I've seen you do some unbelievable things. Your organizational skills are incredible as well as your ability to raise money. You've saved a child's life with CPR without thinking and from what Adam tells me...your neighbor wouldn't have an arm after that accident in his garage if you hadn't been there. You are a very complex person and whatever happened to you was so traumatic your mind has refused to accept it. You simply block it out. These headaches are those memories trying to resurface. If you ever want to be happy, you have to remember. You have to go back and relive your past before you can rebuild your future." He clasped her hands in his. "You must try, Jasmine, for both your sake and Adam's. "I want you to try something for me. I want you to pick up an art like painting, or sculpting or just drawing. We've found that sometimes the subconscious mind will take over and help you remember. There are no guarantees, but at least it's a step. Will you try?" He looked at her hopefully. She stood gracefully and nodded in agreement. "I'll try it, Jacob. Deep down I know you're right, but to be honest...I'm scared." The fear was written in her eyes, but she smiled bravely and headed for the door. Part 2 Jasmine pulled out the easel and her pencil. She looked at it like it was a foreign object. Finally, she took a deep breath and relaxed, then let herself begin to sketch whatever she felt. Adam had insisted she take a few lessons from a friend of his before she started, in hopes it would be helpful. As she sat in the sunlight of the den, she let the warm rays touch her skin and light up her soul. When she finished, she stared at the pencil sketch before her. It was a medieval castle of some sort, complete with drawbridge and turrets. She smiled and wondered where it came from. Deciding it might have potential, she pulled out the oil paints and started filling in the drawing. The phone rang and she answered it. "Jasmine is that you?" A familiar voice chimed on the other end. "And you were expecting someone else, Clarise? Let me guess there's a problem at the auction house." She stated calmly. "I know it's a bother and you've done everything else, but this is a big one. Mr. Devereux says we could clear over million with this one for the kids. Could you come down and just give us some guidance as to how to arrange them. There are some incredible pieces that have been donated. We even have one from France." She sounded excited. "Okay...okay...I'll be there this afternoon. I've got this little project I'm working on for Adam. I'll see you about two. Okay?" "I'll buy late lunch, so don't eat." Clarise hung up happily and returned to work. Jasmine returned to the painting and watched the sunlight play across the oils. She knew it wasn't really good for wet oils as her art instructor had proclaimed, but as she stared at the painting a shadow danced across the canvas. She touched her brush to it and followed the lines. When she finished, she sat back so see the distinct form of a sunflower. She gasped, then grabbed her head in pain. The paints fell to the floor when she collapsed to her knees. Images of a bouquet in a pale hand danced behind her eyes and a sad voice echoed through her mind. "They are the only piece of the sun I'll ever be able to have." "NOOOO!!!" She screamed as the words played in her mind and the tears flooded her face, then it was gone. Jasmine gasped for air as she rocked back and forth on the floor with her arms wrapped around her. Finally, she felt stable enough to stand. She stared at the picture once more. The words played through her mind again and the sadness she'd felt for years overwhelmed her until she burst into tears and fled the room. ------------- "Jasmine!" Clarise waved as she saw her friend step out of her car. "You have to come quickly. Mr. Devereux says we've got to catalog everything by artist before 6 tonight." Both women headed into the auction house and started to work. Several hours later: "They are incredible. I don't know how you do it, but all the local artists have spread the word and we are getting them from everywhere. Look at this one." Clarise pulled the cover off the canvas looking at the attached card. "It comes from France." She glanced at the painting and gasped, then turned to find Jasmine staring at a painting of herself in a field of sunflowers. The look on her face in the painting was one of sheer joy. The sun caught the highlights in her auburn hair and gave it life like the flowers surrounding her. A single tear slid down her cheek, then Jasmine rushed to the painting to see the artist's signature. It was simply initialed NK and nothing more. "Jasmine....it's you." Clarise stared in amazement, then back at her friend. "Whoever this NK is...he or she knows you. We must talk with Mr. Devereux." Clarise glanced at the portrait once more then took off to find the owner of the auction house. Jasmine stared at her image. It was flawless. Her eyes were painted with such happiness that she envied the woman in the picture. Without thinking, she touched the portrait as if she could make it speak. Warmth spread through her fingertips when she traced her face on the canvas, then the pain from earlier in the day returned ten-fold. She collapsed to the floor and let the darkness claim her. ----------------- Adam paced the floor in front of the window as his wife of 4 years lay sleeping from the drugs the doctor had given her. He'd brought the painting home with him after his conversation at the auction house with Jack Devereux and Clarise. He stopped periodically to look at the exquisite strokes in the painting and how, even in the moonlight from the window, Jasmine's image shimmered with happiness. Her eyes held a magic he'd never seen before, but apparently the artist had. He drifted back to the night three days after he'd met Jasmine. Of course, he had no idea what her real name was, but he'd named her that after her reaction to the flowers that were delivered to her room. *******flashback******* "They are beautiful, Dr. Norris." Her soft voice caught him unaware while he studied the flowers on her nightstand. She had been in intensive care for 3 days prior to this. Now she resided in intermediate care due to her rapid improvement. She was becoming more alert by the hour and her vital signs were now stable. He searched for a card as she slept, but found none. "That was awfully thoughtful of you, but it wasn't necessary." She smiled and pulled a blossom to her nose. "It's jasmine. I love the scent of this flower. It makes me feel whole for some reason, only we both know that's not the case." Her sad eyes met his. "Do you think my memory will return?" Her eyes were filled with confusion and hope as they met his. He started to deny he'd brought the flowers, then changed his mind. "I honestly don't know. You are lucky to be alive at this point. You lost enough blood through the wound on your neck you shouldn't have survived, but you refused to quit fighting. That is why you're still with us. I can't imagine with your willpower that you will let a little loss of memory slow you down. You just need time to heal, then maybe your mind will relax and you will remember. It's my job to see you through this and I think I'm the envy of every man on the floor." He smiled shyly because he was greatly attracted to this lovely woman. "But I need to call you something, so how about we use Jasmine." She thought for a moment before she responded "I think I like it. It's not correct, but I like it." She smiled and felt better already. "You get some rest now. I have to see a few more patients and I'll check back on you before I leave tonight." His smile was genuine and she was not immune. He liked what he saw and apparently she did too. He saw no wedding ring on her finger nor a mark as if she'd had one for any period of time. She closed her eyes when he shut the door behind him. Several hours later: It was near midnight when Adam returned to Jasmine's room. She was in intermediate care and her monitors were visible through the window to her room when the drapes were left open. He stopped at the nurses' station and was overwhelmed with the intense sadness that he felt. He gasped for breath. What had happened? He panicked and checked Jasmine's room to find a blond man standing before her window staring through the glass. "Who is he, Margie?" Adam asked hesitantly after catching his breath. "I don't know, Dr. Norris. He just appeared shortly after dusk. We asked if we could help and he simply said he needed to be here. He wouldn't give us any information and suddenly Alice gave him the patient's chart. She couldn't explain it and when I asked for it back, he refused. But it's okay...He just wanted to see how she was." Margie said in a monotone, repeating the words given her. Adam stared in disbelief, then stormed toward the blond man standing silently by Jasmine's window. "Sir, unless you have some official business here, you will have to move along." Adam touched the man's shoulder causing him to wince in pain, then groan. The stranger caught the bar in front of him for support and took a deep breath. "Are you all right?" Adam asked as he steadied the man before him. Sad eyes met his, filled with pain beyond his imagination. Adam recognized it instantly and suspected this man was the cause of the woman's condition. It had been unintentional he was certain, because undeniable love was written on the stranger's face as he turned back to the cold, clear glass. "I will never be all right again." The blond man whispered as he handed the chart back to the doctor. "Is it true, she remembers nothing?" He turned back to face the young doctor. Adam hesitated. Did he want to know her past, to let her relive the agony that brought her to this point? Could he put her through it? Everything about the young woman lying on the bed in the other room radiated love, passion and warmth. She didn't deserve that. She deserved to be happy and he wanted her to have that chance. He could make the pain go away. He was certain of it. Standing before him was the cause of her pain. He knew it just as sure as he breathed. Could he willingly let her return to it? He knew the answer before their eyes met. "She remembers nothing...not even her name. All that she was is gone. All that she felt has been wiped clean...giving her a chance at a new life. A life filled with hope and happiness without any regrets, without any pain, without what brought her to this place and time. If you care for her, you won't deny her that." The blond stranger stared at the young man before him so filled with hope and prospects. The doctor was attracted to Natalie after only 3 days. It showed in his eyes and his stance. He was protecting her. Maybe this was Natalie's chance at happiness. She deserved that and more. He certainly couldn't give her the future she deserved and wanted. All he could do now was keep her safe and pray for her happiness. His life was forfeited now, but the price was not too high if it meant his love was safe to live her limited years in happiness. "I would deny her nothing...and I hope you won't either." Nick stared at his beloved Natalie once more with resignation written on his face. His love for her was eternal, but he would have to treasure it alone now. He would not sacrifice her happiness for his own needs. He was not that selfish. She deserved a life filled with love and laughter in the sun. One filled with children and a loving husband that would walk to the ends of the earth for her. He just wished he could say goodbye, but it was not to be...not if she was to have this chance. A single tear escaped his eye. He did nothing to hide it or brush it away. It was clear as it streaked down his cheek and splashed onto the cold tile floor of the hall. "Tell her to be happy...life is too short not to be happy and she deserves it." Nick said softly as he stared through the glass. "She will have to be happy for both of us now." He turned slowly back to the young man before him. "You're a good man, doctor. Don't change and she will eventually see what's in your heart." Nick smiled sadly and offered his hand to the young doctor before him. "Take good care of her." With that he disappeared like a breeze in a meadow, followed only by silence. ********end flashback******* Adam breathed heavily and sat down in the chair by her bed to wait. Had he been wrong? He stared at the slow rise and fall of her chest and said a silent pray before he fell asleep. Part 3 Jasmine awoke to the soft breeze blowing through her window. Adam sat asleep in the chair, then she saw the painting sitting in the moonlight. She arose and grabbed her robe. Reverently she traced the lines in her face once more, then she fled to the den and her easel. Adam awoke to find her bed empty. "Jasmine?" He called softly and walked into the other room. He could hear the noises in the den and stepped through the door unnoticed. The floor was littered with sketch after sketch of the same things. Sad eyes filled each page. Hundreds of them all alike, all filled with the pain of centuries. When he looked at the painting she worked on, he found it to be more of the same, only in color. The same sad blue eyes he'd seen on the blond man at her window many years before stared back at him. Jasmine sat in front of the image trying desperately to remember. "He is filled with such pain and guilt. Why can't I see his face? It's his eyes that haunt my dreams, his voice that I hear in my head, but I can't see his face." Her tear streaked face turned to her husband. "Why, Adam? Why won't my mind let me see his face?" She began to shake as the tears flooded her cheeks and she began to sob. Quickly, he snatched her up and returned her to bed. She wept until sleep overcame her. The next morning Adam tore the canvas to shreds and tossed it in the trash. He would not let this happen again. Jasmine was his now and he would fight for her and their life together. She'd been happy these past 5 years and he was not going to let that change now. He stared at the last of the pencil sketches, then tore them into pieces as well and tossed her paints in the trash. When Jasmine awoke, they were going away for awhile. That would help. They would visit Austria or maybe England. He needed to lecture abroad anyway. He picked up the phone in the den and dialed. The arrangements were made before he hung up. A month abroad would help, then their lives would return to normal. ------------- One month later: They both breezed into the house relieved to finally be home. It had been a wonderful respite from their normal lives. Jasmine ran immediately to the garden to check on her flowers. Adam laughed as she talked and cooed to each one of them. "I think you missed them more than you do me when I'm gone." She turned and ran back to his arms, then planted a passionate kiss on his lips. "I miss you horribly when you're gone. You know that." He let her back down to her feet as she smiled mischievously. "Besides, I don't take them to bed with me. Roses have thorns and I like to be stuck with other things much more pleasurable." Her eyes gleamed wickedly. "You are a wicked woman, Jasmine, and I love every inch of you." He pulled her back into his embrace once more. "Tell me you love me." His eyes were filled with a need she recognized instantly. "I love you, Adam. The only way I know how." She let his lips devour hers and she responded in kind, but the passion was missing and they both knew it. What was between them was physical and comfortable, but not passionate or fiery. Would it be enough? Could it be enough? Only time would tell. "Thank you for taking me away. I enjoyed every minute of it...including those boring lectures." She smiled, then hugged him. "You are the nicest man I've ever known. Don't ever change. Now let's unpack. I have a hundred phone calls to catch up on and make certain the next auction goes as smoothly as the last." She saw him pretend to pout and she smacked him lightly on the shoulder. "Enough of that...you've had me an entire month to yourself...You have to share or Clarise will start planting stink bombs in your Mercedes." They both laughed and headed off to unpack. ------------ Adam had left early to catch up on his work and Jasmine finished the last phone call for the morning. The rest would have to wait. She went to the bedroom and pulled out the small daytimer she kept in her nightstand. Flipping to the back, she pulled out the small sketchpad and analyzed the pictures she'd drawn over the last month. So many nights she hadn't slept, but she didn't dare let Adam know. Images were starting to appear now on a regular basis. Some were more terrifying than others, but still she couldn't see his face. She'd seen death, blood, and violence enough to make a sane person lose all sanity, but she was calm about it. She could see herself kneeling in blood, cutting people open, people milling around her everywhere. She just couldn't put her finger on it. When she pushed, the pain returned and the black wall of frustration. She learned with deep breaths and her sketchpad the images took shape; however, when she drew...every picture contained his eyes, whether it was a building, a policeman, or an animal...They all had his eyes. They haunted her dreams both day and night, but she wouldn't fight it now. When she tried to tell Adam, he diverted the subject. He was afraid she'd return to that sobbing mess he found in the den a month ago. Not that she could blame him, her sanity was in question at that moment, but not now. Now she knew her past would set her free and she had to find him. Every cell in her body recognized it now. He was the part of her that was missing. Finally she returned to the den and pulled out the second set of paints she'd had delivered this morning. Dr. Mormon had been right. Painting freed her mind from the barriers of pain and she would have her answers soon. She could feel it. So she started drawing once more. When she finished each day there was more of his face, more of the man who haunted her dreams. Part 4 ------------- 2 weeks later: Adam had been gone for two days. His German Lecture tour was in full swing and for some reason, she felt relieved. She'd painted all night and his face stared back at her. His bright blue eyes filled with 800 years of pain and regret reached out to her and the images of their last night together flashed in her mind. "Nick...what have we done?" She fell to the floor and wept until there were no more tears. Each nuance, each touch, every moment they'd spent together in a 6 year period of time washed through her mind like an ocean breaking on the shoreline. Bittersweet memories filled with all the pain and joy they'd shared were now a part of her once more. No longer was she only Jasmine Norris, but Natalie Lambert, MD as well. No wonder she felt disjointed, so out of place in the world she lived. She was not the wife of a doctor, but she was a doctor. The ache in her heart when the stake plunged through Nick became an open wound. A part of her died with him. His final words whispered softly through her mind and added to her misery. "We shall be together forever, Natalie. You are my heart and soul for eternity." His tears were salty on her lips when he fell limply over her body and she finally gave into the darkness filled with hope. ---------- Jasmine packed a light bag and headed for the airport early that same evening. She had to face it all. She had to go back to where it ended if she were to go on with her life. Less than 3 hours later she sat in a taxi and gave the address to the loft. Slipping the cabby an extra twenty to wait, she walked to the loft keypad and punched in the all too familiar numbers to the lock. She listened intently and could hear the mechanism clicking slowly into place and the lock popped open. She turned the doorknob and walked into the garage. The green caddie sat lonely in the dusty confines. A heavy layer of dust coated the green finish disguising the unappealing color. A sharp pain hit her as she stared at the familiar car and ran her fingers lovingly down the back fin. "I missed you, too." She whispered and turned her attention to the lift. Quickly tapping in another set of numbers, the lift engaged. She opened the door and stepped in. Memories flashed through her mind to the point of pain. The feeling of excitement, worry, anger, relief and finally loss overwhelmed her until she couldn't breath. The lift stopped and she shakily reached for the release. "You can do this, Natalie. You have to do this." Hesitantly she pulled the door open. The loft sat deserted coated in a fine dust that bespoke lack of occupancy. "Just one step at a time. That's all you need to do." She spoke out loud to calm her nerves. Her footsteps echoed on the cold floor as she noticed Nick's sword sitting silently by the fireplace. Tears began to flow down her face as she surveyed the room. Another step and she touched the Steinway. Music flooded the room or was it only in her mind. She stared at the piano. She could see him playing as well as hear the music. He turned and the smile on his face tore her in two. "No...Nick...No...not like this. I'm not whole without you." She collapsed to her knees as she began to sob. Slowly, she crawled to the place she'd fallen by the fireplace some 5 years earlier. His blood had dried on the floor, yet she could feel Nick as if he were there. He was with her for a brief moment, then gone. A scream tore from her lips when the feeling disappeared into the cold confines of the loft...and she ran. Not taking the lift, she bolted down the steps and out into the night. "Drive!" She screamed as she jumped into the waiting cab. "Where to lady?" The cabby hesitantly asked from the hysterical woman. Natalie stared blankly into his face, then turned once more to look at the loft and whispered "Metro police station." ------------- It was all so familiar. She walked through the front doors and watched the desk sergeant berate a drunk that a uniform officer held up. She stared at the desks behind them into the room that housed so many memories. Her heart skipped a beat. Heartbeats grew louder as well as the intensity of the smells that surrounded her. All so familiar, all a part of her she'd given up on that fateful night. She scanned the room and saw only two familiar faces. Miller turned to stare at her. Jacobs dropped his coffee mug and they both lunged from their desk at the same time to reach her. "Dr. Lambert?" Miller asked in disbelief when he approached. "It is you, isn't it Natalie?" Jacobs smiled. "Hello Art. How is your little one?" She turned to Miller. "How are you Jason? Is your wife doing well?" Amazingly her memory flashed images of both in her mind. "Where have you been, Natalie? Where is Nick? Is he with you? The whole precinct went crazy the night you and Nick disappeared in all that blood...We'll everyone thought you were dead. Come with me." Jacobs grabbed her arm and they headed for Reese's office. Both men barged through the door without knocking. "What is wrong with you, Miller?" Reese's anger turned to disbelief as Natalie stepped through the opening. "Natalie?" He said in awe. She smiled sadly. "Hello, Captain." Reese collapsed back into his chair stunned. Miller and Jacobs both started talking at once, bombarding her with more questions. "Enough!" Reese growled. "Both of you get out and let me talk to her." His angry eyes broached no room for argument and the detectives wisely retreated to the squad room. "Sit down, Natalie. Tell me how this is possible. Tell me where you and Nick have been all this time. I need answers, young lady, and I need them 5 years ago." He tried to stay angry, but couldn't manage it through his sense of relief. Finally, he took a deep breath and waited. "I wish I could answer most of those questions, but I can't, Captain. I went to Nick's house after Tracy passed away to tell him. He was distraught, I was upset and everything happened so fast. I was hit from the side and fell to the floor. When I tried to get up, I could see Nick fighting with a tall man all dressed in black. He stabbed Nick in the back with his walking stick. I tried to get to him, but collapsed from the dizziness. When I lifted my head, Nick had managed to crawl to my side. I tried to help him. I remember someone screaming. I think it was me, then everything went black." Tears streaked her face. "I...I...don't know what happened after. I...felt Nick slip away and I lost it...I couldn't face..." She sobbed and the Captain was at her side instantly, pulling her into his arms for comfort. " I woke up in a hospital bed in Montreal without a memory. Up until yesterday, I couldn't even remember my name." She stared into the Captain's sad eyes. "He's dead...Nick's dead and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't even remember it until yesterday." Pure pain was written in her eyes as the tears continued to flood her face while her body began to shake uncontrollably in his strong arms. "It's okay, Natalie. It will be okay." He soothed the petite woman. What really happened that night? Who could have done such a thing to them? They'd fought long and hard to work out the problems between them and just when it looked like they'd found the solution, it was torn away from them. Life wasn't fair. He leaned over and pressed the intercom button and asked for some strong coffee. She was so tired. Her body and mind were exhausted as she collapsed into the chair, when the Captain finally trusted her enough to support her own weight. "Here, drink this." He shoved black coffee into her hands. After the second cup, she could speak again. "I'm sorry, Captain." Her sad eyes met his. "I feel so...empty." "Tell me what has happened since then, Natalie. Maybe that will help." "I awoke in the hospital bed with no memory of anything, not my name, or any of my life. I was lost, alone, and terrified. A kind man helped me through it. He was my internist at the hospital. We dated for a year and married. We've been married ever since. I would get headaches that were beyond migraines. They tested me for everything, but nothing showed up. They assumed after all the tests my mind was blocking out what happened to me. After a point, I thought they would go away, but they didn't. Adam, my husband, sent me to a friend of his who was a psychologist and he suggested I start painting. He thought maybe it would free my subconscious mind...It did!" She took a sip of her coffee and a single tear escaped her eye as she stared at the dregs in the bottom of her cup. "I kept drawing Nick's eyes. I drew them in everything, until finally I drew his face yesterday and my memory returned. I came straight here. I went to the loft, but it was just too painful. I could feel the stake being plunged through my heart just as I did that night. I could feel him dying in my arms and hear him whisper in my ear. I...I...could see it like it was happening all over again until the pain was too much and I ran. I didn't know where else to go, so I came here." She looked at the Captain filled with despair. "I loved him, Captain. With every cell in my body and every beat of my heart, I loved Nick and he loved me too. I know that now and I think maybe that's why my mind fought the life I was living. It wasn't what I was meant to be...I don't know." She stood and started pacing the floor. "Why am I not dead? What happened after I blacked out? Where is Nick's body?" She lied convincingly to him now as she paced the floor, but her heart ached with a void that could never be replaced. The pain in her eyes was genuine when she turned back to the Captain. "Sit down, Natalie." Reese pointed to the chair and sat back down in his own. Reaching into the bottom desk drawer, he pulled out a manila envelope and handed it to her. "This came for me, the year after you both disappeared with a letter attached to it." He handed the letter to her as well. Captain Reese: I was informed by one Detective Nick Knight that I was to deliver this package to Dr. Natalie Lambert after one year from his reported death or disappearance. If she was unavailable, I was to deliver it to you for safe keeping for 7 years. It is Mr. Knight's last will and testament. At the end of 7 years, if Dr. Lambert is not found or reported dead, you are to open the document and handle his wishes. Sincerely, Barrister Felix Morton "I have held it for you." He smiled and waited for her to open it. He watched her hands shake. "Do you want me to open it for you?" She handed it back to him. Slowly, he read the contents. With each line, his eyes widened and finally his jaw dropped. In utter disbelief he stared at the young pathologist before him. "He left everything he owned to you, Natalie. Nick was a very wealthy man according to this. He left you the de Brabant Foundation, the loft, all his belongings and a warehouse full of art in Montreal." He stared at her in disbelief. "I don't understand any of this. Why was Nick working as a cop? According to this, he could have bought half the city of Toronto." Natalie sat dazed for a moment, then recovered. She slowly reached for the documents and reread them for herself. He had trusted her with everything that he was. The tears began to fall steadily again. His bold signature covered the final page with a special note to her. My Dearest Natalie: I trusted you with my heart and my soul, now I trust you with my wealth that was meant to do good in this world. For what we once had, love others as much as you loved me and the world will be a better place. I will have finished my task in this world and wait for you in the next. Love Forever Nick She stared at the document in her hands and felt the love written in each word. For the first time in 5 years, she was at peace. She stared at the Captain and smiled. "It was old family money, Captain. Nick wanted people to accept him for who he was not what he or his family had been. He wanted his life to stand for something and I am going to see that it does." She stood and took a deep breath. "I'm starting over once more. Only this time...I know why." Part 5 Natalie returned to Montreal 3 days later. She finished all the legalities and had time to think and more time to grieve. She arranged to have the loft maintained and cleaned on a regular basis. She even had the caddie cleaned and a man scheduled to drive it once a month. She didn't know why, she just felt she owed it to Nick. Somewhere deep inside, she knew she couldn't get rid of it or the loft or Nick would be totally gone. This was an alternative she could live with. She'd refused to go back inside even with an offer from the Captain to accompany her. It was just too painful and she wasn't ready to deal with it...at least, not yet. She walked into her house and it felt different. She placed her bag on the floor and walked into the garden. She sat down on the bench surrounded by jasmine and roses. Her mind drifted back to the night she and Nick walked out of the ROM after an opening of the Master's Collection. He had been thrilled to see the work come to Toronto, as he'd known a good number of them personally. *****flashback**** "It brings back so many memories." Nick said softly as they walked down the steps. "Good memories?" She asked, knowing full well Nick was already somewhere in the past. He sighed and smiled. "Yes, Nat. They are very good memories." They passed a cart filled with flowers and he stopped to buy some. Carefully he picked out the jasmine throughout the cart, then handed them to her after smelling each one of them. A rare smile crossed his face as he breathed in the scent that wafted through the night air. "They were always my favorite and for some reason they remind me of you." If he could have blushed, he would have. "There beautiful, Nick. Thank you. Why do they remind you of me?" She asked intrigued. He touched her cheek lovingly and stared into her bright blue eyes. "Because when the sweet scent touches the air, it makes you forget everything else." He smiled shyly. "Just like you." He watcher her smile and saw the happiness in her eyes. She touched his hands as they caressed her face and knew exactly how much he cared for her. "Thank you, Nick. You make me feel special." "You are very special to me, Natalie. Much more than you know." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Never forget that." *****end flashback******* His voiced echoed in her mind as she held the sweet blossom next to her breast. "I miss you, Nick. I love you now as much as I did that day, but I have faith too. We will be together, but until then I'll finish what you started...no...what we started." Natalie picked a few more blossoms from the bush and returned to the house to finish what they'd started so long ago. Adam was to return home in 5 more days. She had to decide what to tell him. How much she could tell him without endangering his life. As the memories flashed in her mind with what she lost, her heart realized what she had today. Adam's bright smile, his loving touch, the warmth and comfort he'd given her for 5 years played heavy on her heart. She loved him in a way she couldn't describe and didn't want to hurt him...and this would hurt him. She had to be fair. She had to tell him just what she felt, then they would move on. With the decision made, she picked up the phone and started to work. ------------ 5 days later: Adam walked through the door looking forward to being home. It had been 4 weeks and he really missed Jasmine. "Jasmine? Where are you?" He yelled as soon as he entered. Dropping his bags, he went immediately to the garden. Searching the garden, he didn't find her. Returning to the house, he headed for the study. When he neared the den, her soft voice echoed through the door. "No, Arnold, that won't do. I need the plans by next Friday, not next month. I want this started by the end of the month. The property is already taken care of. I finished the paperwork on it yesterday." A long silence followed as Adam listened intently. Jasmine was in her business mode. He smiled. She could be soft or so hard depending on her mood. He wasn't sure which he liked the best. Jasmine was complex, yet so simple. That's what he loved most. He stepped into the room and smiled. The smile on her face was instant as she waved him into the room further. He walked over and hugged her as she finished the conversation. Kissing her on top of the head, he let her warmth envelop him. It was so good to be home, then he picked up on the changes within her. He took a deep breath and pushed into the feeling as he listened to her conversation. She hung up the phone and hugged him. "It's good to see you, Adam." She hugged him again and offered him her lips for a sweet kiss. His lips claimed hers. The soft touch was very tender, but the fire was gone. He broke the kiss and knew immediately her memory had returned. He stared into her blue eyes and saw something he'd never seen before. For a brief moment he thought what he saw was based on her feelings for him, but deep inside he knew different. Was he ready to hear this? Did he really want to know? "Do I want to hear this?" He said hesitantly. Jasmine, grabbed his hand and led him to the couch. "We need to talk, Adam. I have something to tell you. Something you need to hear, and we have decisions to make." She sat down and patted the seat next to her. Adam sat down slowly. Did he want to know? Was he ready for her to walk out of his life? He stared into her blue eyes and he made a decision. "No, Jasmine, I don't want to hear any of it. It was your past. It's not what you are now. You're my wife and I love you no matter what is in your past." He stood and turned his back on her. "Adam, you have to know...you have to understand what..." "No...Jasmine...No!!!" He turned, angry with his wife for the first time since they met. "It's not important and I don't need to know any of it." "Adam, I am more than just your wife. I am..." "No, Jasmine!" He turned and came back to her side with raw pain in his eyes. He knelt in front of her. "Jasmine, it doesn't matter. I love you and I know we have a future together. Do whatever you have to do to put this behind you, but it doesn't matter to me. I know you don't love me the way I love you and that's okay. I can live with that." "Adam, you deserve better than that. You deserve someone to love you with the fire and passion of eternal love. I can't do that. What I felt, what I feel still for..." Adam touched her lips to silence her. "I am happy with what we have. Never doubt that. I don't need the fire you're talking about. Marriage is a partnership and we have that. Don't throw that away. We have a good life together. We are meant to be together. If you throw it away, it would destroy me." Pain was etched into his features and she reached out to touch his face in sympathy. "Okay, Adam." She said sadly. "I don't agree with you, but I will respect your wishes. I do love you, Adam. Don't ever doubt that, but it's not the way you deserve. You will let me know when you're ready to hear it. I owe you that much." She smiled with acceptance in her eyes. It wasn't like she was cheating on him with anything but a memory, but that memory possessed her heart and she would never let it go. It made her whole just as Nick had. Finally, she sighed and rose gracefully from the couch. "Come on, let's get something to eat. I've been on the phone for 4 days." She offered him her hand and he accepted with a smile. Part 6 ------------------ 5 years later: Jasmine Norris walked into the clinic and headed straight for her lab. All the paperwork, ownership, and financial arrangements were handled for the de Brabant Clinic through the Foundation in Toronto. No one at the clinic knew her as anything but one of the researchers. Over a 5-year period, she'd managed to oversee all the research in the facility and carry on her own without anyone's knowledge of her ownership, with the exception of Dianne, her secretary. Technically Natalie Lambert, MD owned the de Brabant Clinic and Jasmine Norris was a part-time researcher with access to any room in the facility. Natalie did not believe in locking research away behind closed doors, so there was a monthly update on all projects to the Chief Director to the facility. He reported all findings back to the owner in Toronto. This way any helpful hints, discoveries or mistakes were shared with the whole group. All contracts were set up in the exact same way. All patents and copyrights belonged to the foundation whether discovered by one or by many, with each researcher being paid a royalty of 1/2 percent for 100 years or the life of the patent, which ever came first. This policy had generated good will and good communications lines throughout the entire facility. How the head researchers chose to split their proceeds with their staff was their decision, but most chose to share their good fortune in an effort to not lose any potential discovery no matter how small. They had been very fortunate over the past 5 years and with the help of a great many minds, Natalie had discovered numerous things about Nick's blood as well as her own. That night 10 years ago changed her forever and all Adam's testing on that night had paid off. She had the original samples of Nick's blood from her old freezer in Toronto, samples of her own blood from 5 years ago, along with her own current blood samples. The Clinic was designed to do blood research worldwide. Their reputation grew quickly with a stasis agent developed to slow the progress of leukemia. Further study had led them to their current project, which caused the arrest of defective cells that generated disease. Natalie had recognized the potential of the mutant gene in her own blood sample and managed to grow it without damage to the host cells in a fluid medium. With the help of several other departments who specialized in cellular attachment, they'd managed to replicate the gene to a point where they could attach it to anything diseased. Unlike her own sample which remained constant without outside interference, the replicated sample required multiple injections to accomplish its purpose. It was possible they had found the cure to disease in general, but she wasn't going to get her hopes too high. Right now they would settle for one disease at a time and watch for the side affects. The study was to go into animal trials this year. In the process, she'd put numerous minds to work on Nick's cells, but all to no avail. Only her blood neutralized the affect of the vampire gene and created a whole new strain. Jasmine flipped on the switch to the electron microscope and sat down to work. She felt good about what they'd accomplished, but as she watched her latest experience in separating the vampire gene from the host cell fail, she couldn't stop the tears. Lately she'd become more and more depressed and spent more hours at the lab. Adam had been offered a full time lecture circuit in the field of gastro-intestinal absorption. He traveled every other week and they'd arranged their lifestyle around it. He never questioned her habits when he was gone, or the extra paperwork she seemed always to possess. Although she'd caught him watching her closely one night as she read the latest research file, he never asked. When she'd offered to let him read it, he denied any interest. The weeks he resided in Montreal, Jasmine was the dutiful wife, accompanying him to all his meetings and chairing numerous charity functions just as she always had. The relationship had progressed into one of deep friendship and companionship. Feeling guilty, Jasmine offered him a divorce. He flatly refused and changed the subject. Today was the 5th anniversary of the de Brabant Clinic and most of the labs were celebrating with cake and punch, but Jasmine didn't feel like celebrating. She had failed once more for Nick. Beth from across the hall popped in. "Hey, Jasmine. Glad you came in today. I'm never sure when you're coming, so I didn't know if I should have ordered a cake for you. Come on over and share ours." Beth said exuberantly, then noticed the tears streaking down Jasmine's face. "Jasmine? What is it?" She was at her side quickly. "Can I help? Can any of us help? You are so quiet about your personal life and we don't know much about you, but you always seemed to like it that way. So we never pushed it." Natalie sniffed, then brushed the tears away. "It's nothing Beth. I was just feeling my age. Hormones I guess. The gene still destroys the normal one in my test samples. It doesn't seem to matter what I do. I just let it get to me. It makes me feel like a failure. The one thing I wanted desperately to fix, I can't. Not that it much matters anymore anyway." Natalie's sad voice tore at Beth's heart. "How can you say you're a failure? It was your experiments that opened the door for the new antigen inhibitor. It was your mutant gene that started it all. If you hadn't found it in the first place, we'd be nowhere. You were the catalyst, we are just the agents of delivery. You will save thousands of lives with this and maybe even eradicate any type of viral disease out there in the future." Beth knelt down on the floor in front of Nat. "And I think you are way too young to be going through hormone problems. You aren't a day over 35. If I had your skin and your looks, men would be knocking my door down. Why don't you come next door and have some cake. Maybe I could get you to add a few pounds and I'd feel better. In the 5 years I've known you, you haven't aged or put on a pound. Why don't you come next door and tell us your secrets." Beth cajoled, all the time pulling Nat toward the door. "Okay, okay...you win. Cake it is, but if I gain weight, it's all your fault." -------------------- 5 years later: Jasmine walked out of the doctor's office with the blood report in her hand. It wasn't any different than the one she'd run on herself 5 years earlier. She was 50 years old now with the body and face of a 35-year-old. People were starting to notice. In a few more years, she'd be forced to move on. Adam never mentioned it, but she was sure he'd known from the beginning. In all the study of her own blood cells and the mutant gene attached, she'd never once looked to see if they were aging. She stopped in front of the mirror before the elevator banks and touched her skin. Her bright blue eyes and curly auburn hair flashed in the fluorescent light. The image that stared back at her was that of the same woman who almost died at 101 Gateway Lane, April 28, 1995. She touched the cold image and gasped. This was what it was like to be immortal, to see your friends age and die, to watch the world change before you and know that soon you would lose it all in spite of your youth and have to start all over again. The thought terrified her and thrilled her at the same time. A great sadness washed over her as she stood remembering what had been, what she'd lost, and how alone she felt at times. She finally understood Nick's pain and aversion to getting close. Getting close only meant you'd get hurt when it was time to move on. As she viewed her image in the mirror, she knew she would have to move on or risk being used as a guinea pig for the rest of her life. She had to finish what she started. She had to make sure the political machine actively at work didn't table the research on the antigen inhibitor. There were millions to be lost by the pharmaceutical industries if this worked. First, it would eliminate leukemia, then probably cancer, followed by numerous diseases that required large quantities of medication to keep the patients barely alive until the time came. Natalie didn't kid herself. It would take lots of money, and lots of politicking in the right places to make this a reality. She wouldn't give up now. Nick had trusted her to do the right thing with his money and that's just what she was going to do. She walked out into the sunshine with another idea. -------------------- Jasmine walked through the gallery on Adam's arm. She was in a light mood as they viewed the artwork up for sale. The latest round of lobbying attempts had paid off well. It looked like Antigen- Inhibitor B would go to human trials. Her heart was lighter than it had been in years. She only wished Adam would share it with her, but once again he'd refused. It was like she led a double life, one that was Jasmine Norris, charity coordinator and wife of famous Adam Norris, MD. The second was Natalie Lambert, MD owner of the de Brabant Research Clinic. Harland Daniels, owner of the gallery approached Jasmine with a smile. "Jasmine. I am honored you could attend. Mrs. Wainwright said she doubted you'd be able to come. Sales are going smashing and the auction has yet to begin. We've had more than 15 offers on silent bids already." Daniels stopped and got his second wind. He turned to Adam. "This must be your father." Daniels extended his hand to Adam. "It's a pleasure, sir. You should be proud of your daughter. She is one of the best organizers and fundraisers I've ever dealt with. How she manages to get these donations, I'll never know." Daniels shook Adam's hand vigorously. "Mr. Daniels, this is Adam Norris, my husband." Jasmine said quickly feeling Adam's embarrassment. "Oh...I'm sorry, Dr. Norris. It's...well...it's just that she looks so..." Daniels stumbled only burying himself deeper. "That's quite all right, Mr. Daniels. I'm just flattered a young woman like Jasmine finds me attractive enough to keep. She makes me feel young all the time. Like a breath of fresh air filled with sunshine." Adam was gracious as well as charming. Turning 5 shades of red, Daniels excused himself and quickly exited the room. Jasmine, stopped her husband and made him face her. "This is going to happen again and again. You know that." She looked at him and saw no surprise. "But you knew that from the beginning, didn't you?" She waited for him to deny it. "We'll face it together, Jasmine, when the time comes. If you're asking me if I knew you wouldn't age, the answer is yes, but none of that matters. We are together and that's all that counts." "Are we, Adam? Are we really together?" She searched his face and didn't find the answer she was looking for. "How can you accept what I am, if you can't accept what I was. As much as you like to pretend, we aren't together. We are friends and sometimes companions, but in my heart I am not with you. It hasn't been that way since the day my memory returned, but you refuse to accept it. This isn't what a marriage is supposed to be like. We are supposed to share everything and half of what I am is based on my past. I am more than your wife and it's time you accepted that before it's too late." She released his arm and walked away. Part 7 --------------- 5 years later: He stared at her petite form walking aimlessly around the garden in the moonlight. Periodically the rays of the moon would catch the side of her face and make it glow with a life of its own. The sadness she always carried with her was even stronger tonight. It seemed so long ago, but she was as beautiful today as the day they met. Her long auburn hair danced in the moonlight making him ache to run his fingers through it as he had so many times before...but tonight was different. Their time together was over. She had given him all that she could and he was grateful, but it was time to release her. Time to set her free to cure the pain in her heart. The pain she bore by herself and refused to share. He would miss her. She stopped to smell the jasmine that grew continually in the garden. She picked a small cluster and sat down on the cold stone bench and became one with the night once more. Adam Norris watched his wife of 19 years close out the world and fall into the past. Her body was here, but her heart was somewhere, someplace she would never share. She stared up at the moon and clasped the jasmine firmly between her fingers and was lost in her own thoughts. Slowly he walked through the garden and sat down beside her. As so many times before, they sat in silence. "You're not coming with me, are you?" She whispered softly and turned to meet his stunned gaze. "It's time you move on. Time for me to find someone closer to my own age." He smiled sadly and watched a tear slip from her eye. He wiped it away gently out of habit. "We've known for a long time that what was between us was more for me than you. That there would come a time when you would have to move on and I would have to learn to live with it." He picked up her soft hand and kissed it gently. "I have loved you since the first day we met, but your heart has always been elsewhere. You have shared your body and mind with me for nineteen years, but I have never possessed your heart. Once I thought I could win that too, but the love you feel for him is beyond this lifetime. I can't ever compete with that. I'm just thankful for our time together and the love you have shared with me." He sighed in resignation. "It's been 20 years, Jasmine. I'm ready to hear the truth, the whole story. You offered so many times and I refused, but I'm ready now" He touched her face softly with his fingers and she pulled back slightly as she always had. Pain touched his heart as she wrapped her fingers around his and brought them to her lap. She saw it in his eyes and regretted her response, but her body acted of its own accord. She took a deep breath as she held his hands between her own. "You're right, Adam. I owe you so much...for what we shared, for the life we made together. You deserve the truth. You must promise me you won't interrupt, that you won't make any judgments until I'm finished. I made promises 26 years ago this very night. Promises I have kept until now, but you deserve the whole story." She waited for him to nod his acceptance before she continued. "First of all my name is not Jasmine. It's Natalie Lambert. Actually it is Dr. Natalie Lambert." She watched his face for a reaction. He started to speak, then closed his mouth to listen as promised. She smiled and continued. "It was 26 years ago tonight that my life changed. It was my birthday and I was the youngest and only woman ME in the city of Toronto. I was working night shift at the coroner's office trying to prove myself by doing extra hours on every shift that no one wanted. I actually liked the graveyard shift. It was the shift that received the most bizarre murders and I felt comfortable with the night. I received a phone call telling me there was a pipe bomb victim on his way in. Tommy Lester was the attendant that night. I remember the look on his face when he brought the body into the morgue. It was filled with such sadness and horror that I had to comment. "Our pipe bomb victim?" He swallowed hard and nodded. "They said he was trying to stop a robbery and they tossed him a pipe bomb. There's not much left to look at, Doc." He stared at the blood dripping out of the body bag onto the floor. Finally, he helped me move the body bag onto the table and then split. He had no intentions of staying around. "I really couldn't blame him and I tried to brace myself for what I was about to see. I had to be tough. It was required." She hesitated and let the memory play in her mind as if it were yesterday. "I unzipped the body bag and was shocked. Before me lay a very handsome man. Although he was dirty, his face was in perfect condition. A few cuts and bruises, but not what I expected. After a quick visual check I was confused. I touched his cheek and was saddened by the waste of his life. I was sure there was some mistake. This man was not a pipe bomb victim and the blood that had pooled around the body had disappeared. I realized I must be overworked as well as confused. I went to the phone and dialed the precinct. I was certain I had the wrong body when he sat up on the morgue table." "That night my life changed forever. First I was startled, then fascinated at what was before me. The man that was dead only a few moments earlier was now very much alive." She watched Adam for a reaction. He started to speak, but stopped himself. She drifted back into the past once more. ******flashback****** "What are you?" She asked amazed, no longer frightened. He lunged off the table and headed for the refrigerator. In one swift jerk, he tore the door from the hinges. He grabbed several units of blood from the shelf and ripped the top off with sharp fangs. He drained the first bag within seconds and started on the second. She stared in fascination as she watched the few wounds still visible on his face and hands disappear before her very eyes. After two units of blood his golden eyes locked to hers. She could feel the pull from him like a drug user's need for a fix. He became more beautiful before her very eyes even with his long canines extending from his mouth. His hair was like gold silk waiting to be touched and his skin became clear and perfect once more. She took a step forward, then stopped herself. He looked at her with now questioning blue eyes, as they had returned to their normal color. He watched and listened to her closely like an animal. "What are you?" She asked in awe. Her fear had been replaced with fascination. "Something far different from you." He said, then tore open another blood bag with his sharp fangs and drank it before her. He was trying to frighten her, but it hadn't worked. She stepped forward to touch him in disbelief. He stopped her hand in mid-air before her fingertips touched his skin. Their eyes met and all her fear vanished. Finally, he let her fingers touch him. "You're so cold!" She let her hand caress his face. "I'm dead." He said with certainty filled with sadness. "No, you're not dead. You're different, but not dead." She whispered and fell into his eyes. She felt the connection grow between them. He was her destiny and some part of her recognized it, even then. ******end flashback******* "He tried to make me forget, but it wasn't possible. I don't think it was possible for either of us to walk away. We tried, both of us, at one point or another and we couldn't. From that day forward we became friends. He was an 800-year old vampire who hated himself for what he was. He was trying to make up for all that he'd done in his lifetime, then maybe God would forgive him and let him become mortal again. Being the scientist that I was, I refused to believe his condition was anything but physical, so I proceeded to try and find a cure for his condition. He joined the police department as a homicide detective. At first I was concerned he'd used his vampiric persuasive powers to get the position, but found out later that he'd been a policemen in Edinburgh as well as Chicago and came with very high recommendations. Actually he'd been many things in his lifetime, but he enjoyed being a policemen. He told me later, it gave him access to those people who needed help the most. He became a homicide detective because he could keep the murderers from killing again." She sighed heavily as she drifted back to their first year together. "At first we were friends, then it became more. Somewhere along the way, the doctor fell in love with the patient. I think he knew all along how I felt, but I was never sure. He proclaimed us nothing more than friends, as that was all we could ever be. Vampires and mortals don't mix or the mortal becomes dead." She smiled sadly. "I wasn't sure at times if I loved him because he tried so hard to right all the wrongs or just because he was such a kind man. He was more human than most people I knew and didn't realize it. I never spoke of my feelings, but he knew. He was so good at putting up that cold wall of indifference. He'd had centuries of practice and sometimes, just when I thought he'd open up to me, he'd retreat behind it. Was it because he really didn't care or that he couldn't care? I wasn't sure until much later." "Three years after I'd met him on Valentines Day, he finally let me in. The feelings between us were becoming almost painful at times and I'd spent many nights crying myself to sleep. That night we finally admitted what we felt. Kissing Nick was like falling into a hot bath filled with pure pleasure. The passion and warmth he possessed was only overshadowed by his love for me. I was home, where I was meant to be. The warmth between us burst into a burning fire that filled us with needs that only the other could fulfill, but the vampire lurked beneath it all. On that night, I realized what it cost him to be close to me. The vampire's lust for blood was amplified by the man's desire within him. When his eyes flamed red with passion, I should have been frightened, but I wasn't. It was a part of him. He tried to pull away, but I wouldn't let him. "We can defeat this, Nick." Her own words echoed in her mind as she relived it. "The next night I received an invitation to dinner. I thought it was from Nick and I went. It was Nick's master, creator, father if you want to call him that...named LaCroix. I was frightened knowing only a few of the things he'd done to Nick over the years. He continued to try to control Nick through fear or pain. It hadn't mattered and I wouldn't delude myself into thinking the reason he was here was benevolent. I was a problem and he intended to eliminate it. He saw me as the interloper, the one person who continued to feed Nick's need to be mortal again. Little did I know that this 2000 year-old, creature of the night feared me. He would eliminate a problem and collect a debt owed for over 800 years. He had intended to drain me that night. Yet, as I sat trying to fight the power that flooded my senses, I could only feel pity for him. He wanted Nick's love above all else and would do anything to gain it. He would stop at nothing to bring Nick back to his side as they had 800 years earlier." She checked Adam's expression and saw disbelief. "I know you don't believe this, Adam, but you wanted the truth." She turned back to the moon and stared at its bright glow in the starlit sky. "So many years ago, but it seems like yesterday." She continued on. She breathed deeply of the night air. Clasping the jasmine between her fingers tightly, she relived that night once more. "Nick arrived and a fight ensued. LaCroix was much older and stronger, Nick hadn't a chance if it came to a physical battle. They tossed each other around in anger until LaCroix grabbed me once more claiming his right of revenge. A love for a love as promised by Nick some 800 years earlier. LaCroix had fallen in love with Nick's natural sister and Nick bargained for her life with the life of a mortal he loved beyond all others. Thinking he'd never allow it to happen, he'd saved his sister from the darkness he'd already grown to dislike. Nick denounced our love as only a means to an end. He gave into the vampire. For the first time I felt the true evil that he fought every day, but it was enough to convince LaCroix. His hateful words still echo through my mind as well as the feel of his lips on mine." "When LaCroix disappeared, the man that I loved returned. The words of love and the hope of my forgiveness danced through my mind as he held me in the garden of the Azure. He realized then, that our relationship could never be. If he didn't kill me in a fit of passion, LaCroix would. He pulled me into his eyes with 800 years of hypnotic practice. What made him think it would work then when it hadn't before, still amazes me. I was a resistor, but the need within him to make me forget what was really between us tore at my soul. He was frightened for me, not himself. His need for me to be happy ate at my very being and I let him believe he'd made me forget. So many nights after that I regretted it, but the more I learned of LaCroix, the more I understood how realistic his fear was. I would have to be satisfied to know he loved me even though we couldn't be together." A silent tear slid down her cheek and she brushed it away. "After that we tried going back to friends, pretending...but the strain was becoming too much on both of us. First, he tried to leave and I wouldn't let him, then I tried to walk away. Every breath I took caused such torment, the look of pain in his eyes each time we met in the hall made me physically ill. We were soulmates, destined to be together. Every cell of my body knew it. Each moment we spent together was a treasure, a memory that I will carry for a lifetime. Five years later, he lost his partner and friend in a plane crash. It was the beginning of a long year of setbacks, trials in his life, and our relationship. We found comfort in each others arms, but never voiced the words I so longed to hear from his lips." She stared at her husband of nineteen years, then placed her fingertips softly on her own cheeks. "He used to touch me like that. It was so filled with need and pain at times my heart would skip a beat. That's why I always pull back from you." She saw the pain in Adam's eyes. "I'm so sorry! I never meant to cause you pain." He reached to clasp her hands in his after he brushed another errant tear from her cheek. "Go on, Jasmine, you need this as much as I do." Adam's soft voice echoed in the garden. "I lost an old schoolmate. We'd lost touch over the years, but when she committed suicide she left me her dairy. She had devoted herself to her work, shut out the outside world and felt alone. There was no one there for her. No one she could talk to, no one to love or be loved by. I realized my life had become much the same and I, too, would soon be alone when Nick was forced to move on. You can only stay so long looking the same age before people notice. " She smiled sadly knowing Adam understood that very well. "That night his new partner of a year was shot. Actually, she was shot with a bullet meant to kill him. He blamed himself and I watched in horror as he strongly considered bringing her across without her consent. I was incensed, angry that he would consider bringing Tracy into the world of darkness and not me. Later I realized it was an emotional reaction on his part based on guilt not love. She died later that night and I knew it was over. I would lose him forever and my heart was shattered. I couldn't breath, I couldn't think. Everything was jumbled when I walked into the loft to tell him. He told me he was leaving and I felt like my life was over." *****flashback***** "Not without me." She whispered as the tears began to flow and he walked to the window filled with despair. "You don't want my love, Natalie. You can't survive it. Everything I've ever loved, I've destroyed. It's time I moved on. I have done more damage than good. LaCroix was right, I don't belong here. Everyone around me gets killed because of what I am." "Don't say that, Nick. Look at the lives you've saved. They count for something. LaCroix is wrong. You are on your way back. Each day I see it more and more. You are more human than anyone I know...You can become mortal again. I have faith in you. I have faith in us and I don't want to live without you. We've tried everything but Janette's cure. Have faith in us, Nick. Have faith in what you feel inside. Make love to me. Take just a little at a time and gives us a chance at being together." She touched his face gently and caressed his cheek as she'd done that very night 6 years earlier. "I have faith in you, Nick. We can be together in the darkness or the light, it doesn't matter." She stared into his eyes hopefully. "Are you saying what I think you are saying, Natalie. Do you know the risks? What if I can't stop?" Fear etched his features as well as the love he felt for her. "You will stop, Nick. We can be together. I have faith in us...in you...in what we have. Love me, Nick." A tear slid down her cheek and he brushed it away slowly with his thumb. He kissed her softly at first, then with more passion. Each touch was an invitation, each caress a promise. "We will be together...forever." His eyes turned golden and she watched unafraid and offered him her neck. Gently he planted his fangs into her neck and drank the sweet nectar he'd craved most over the past 6 years. The sharp sting of his fangs was replaced by a feeling that warmed her very soul. She was home at last. She gave into it and the sweet pull of the vampire as her very life's blood flowed into his. Each mouthful brought a stronger sensation than the one before. What was once warmth became passion filled with desire for her very being to unite with his. The feeling was not only pleasant but erotic and she wanted more. He started to pull away but she pulled him back, not wanting to lose the connection between them. When he returned the images began to flash in her mind. First his life as a crusader, then his being brought across by Janette and LaCroix. His lust for blood, the need to hunt, the anger that raged within him daily as he fought the evil that lurked inside him all the time. She saw flashes of his life, the years with Janette, his marriage to Alyssa and her death, the pain he felt each time he'd realized what he'd become and his desire to free himself from LaCroix's domination. Tears rolled down her cheek and she pushed into the link between. She let him see her life, the death of her parents, her life with Nana, the trials of being a woman in a man's world, the pain of losing Richie and her own guilt for having pressed Nick into bringing him across. With each breath she let him feel the love she held inside for him, the need to be one with him in any way he chose. Her faith in God and in him that he would make the right choice for them both. So much faith, so much passion radiated from her and both the man and vampire craved it. When she pulled him back, he was lost to the feel and desire of her. Her faith caressed him, cradled him in a warm blanket that made him feel whole. She loved him with every cell of her body and he was overwhelmed by it. Disbelief turned to hope that she was right until she collapsed in his arms. The slowing of her heart, the love in her blood, the slow rise and fall of her chest as she lay dying in his arms tore at his heart, but the link between them was strong now and she reached out to him. They would be together and finally he accepted it too. "It would appear the only thing left to do is turn out the lights and lock the doors." LaCroix's smooth voice oozed across the room. "I've...taken too much." Nick's voice broke as he stared at his beloved Natalie dying in his arms. He pulled her to his breast, rocked her gently and gave into the emotion he'd held at bay for so many centuries. He could not lose her now. This was not life...not without Natalie. Finally, his decision was made. *****end flashback***** Part 8 Natalie stared at her husband of 19 years and saw no disbelief now as he listened intently and watched every breath she took. He reached out to her once more and wrapped his hands around hers, then look deep into her eyes and waited. She saw acceptance for the first time in Adam's eyes. For the first time since she'd regained her memory, she knew he accepted the love she carried in her heart for Nick. Maybe now he could let go. So she continued. "As I lay dying on the floor, I could hear what LaCroix said to him. I could feel the pain in his heart, the resolve in his very soul to finish what we started and I knew we'd won. Nothing LaCroix said could convince him. Nick's hate for what he was guided his decision, just as his faith in what we had was strong enough for us to survive someplace, somewhere...together. He refused to bring me across, but let me die and walk into the light. His faith had been restored. He knew God had forgiven him and we could be together in the light." "He handed LaCroix a walking stick and asked him to stake him. I wanted to scream at him, to tell him not to trust LaCroix, but I was too far gone. Miracles of miracles, LaCroix did as he wished. When the stake pieced his heart, I felt it too. Pain tore through me, but something else as well. He leaned over me as he was dying, letting the stake do the work it was meant to do. Clear salty tears fell from his eyes fell onto my lips and I knew we'd won. The vampire was vanquished and the man would join me. The salty taste of his tears on my lips gave me such peace, I gave into the darkness with a sigh of contentment." She stood then and walked over to the white rose bush growing near the jasmine she'd planted many years before. "White roses...LaCroix's favorite." She said softly as she plucked the bloom, then crushed the jasmine in her other hand, letting the sweet smell permeate the air and overwhelm any other scent in the garden. She turned back to Adam who still sat on the bench where she'd left him. "Obviously the sweet smell of the jasmine, just as our love, was not strong enough to overcome the purity of evil. I woke up in the hospital and could remember nothing...not even my name. Whether it was LaCroix's work, or just a side affect of being drained I don't know. Every time I tried to touch the memory, great pain washed over me and you were there...always so tender, always so caring. You made each day bearable until finally I stopped trying to remember. You had been right. If it caused me such pain, then I was better off not to remember it. When you asked me to marry you, I knew I wasn't in love, but it didn't seem to matter to you. You were so confident that you could win my heart and I was willing to try." Sadness was written on her face as a single tear slipped down her cheek. "At first, I tried to push the pain away and go on with my life, but something was missing. Some very important part of me and I couldn't touch it. There were times when I considered suicide, but you were always there...talking, loving, soothing the pain that never seemed to stop. I began to run to you every time it started to surface and you made it disappear...and for 5 years it worked. I sat at the club one afternoon listening to Karen talk about how she felt with Kevin when they made love, then Clarise started and I realized I didn't feel that way with you. I enjoyed sex with you, but the passion, the need to be one with you wasn't there. I thought I had grown to love you and I had in the only way that I could...Suddenly it wasn't enough any more. I sat there in the club drinking my lemonade and realized that I had lost a part of me that my soul needed to survive. I went home that day and wept until there were no more tears. That's when you found me and sent me back to Dr. Mormon and he suggested I paint." She stared at her husband and waited for him to acknowledge the truth. He walked over and pulled her hands gently into his. "You started painting his eyes." He stated flatly and she saw the raw pain behind them. "Yes." She whispered and wiped the tears running down his face with her fingers. "It was his eyes that haunted my dreams, so I painted them. Over and over again until finally I couldn't stand it anymore. I was so frustrated. My heart wanted to see, but my mind refused to relive the pain. Then you thought I was delusional. Not that I blame you, after you saw the mess in the den. I had to remember or die. After you gave me the second sedative and I went to sleep that night, I dreamed. They were all so strange, yet all so familiar and his eyes haunted my soul." She watched his face and saw compassion and understanding. "You left for Germany and I started painting again. Every day a little more of his face would appear until finally he stared back at me. When I finished, the pain was finally gone. I reached into the darkness that had always caused the agony in my soul and the memories flooded my mind. I wept so hard that I thought I had died...that my life was truly over. For the first time in 5 years I realized what I had lost. I don't know what happened that night, or how I ended up at the hospital, but the man that was my heart and soul for eternity had died in my arms with his faith restored. His hope of a life for us together filled the tears that touched my lips. The memory of it and the love he felt for me will never die" She saw the hurt written in her husband's eyes as she talked about Nick and her feelings. "I wanted to die, Adam. I returned to Toronto the next day. I went by the loft and found it locked tight. The door was locked tight, but I punched the keycodes from memory and it opened. I went inside. Nick's car sat silently in the garage, covered in dust. I trailed my fingers in it to assure myself it was real. The pain in my head grew with each step while the memories flashed through my mind. As I rode up the lift, the pain increased until I screamed his name and threw open the door. The marks on the floor where they found his blood were still there. I took several deep breaths and I stepped into the room. In a matter of seconds, I couldn't breathe. After a short time it was more than I could bear so I fled." Her hands trembled in Adam's as they stood quietly in the garden. He wanted to give her comfort, to tell her it would be all right, but he couldn't. It wasn't going to be okay and they both knew it. "I went to the precinct and as luck would have it, Captain Reese was still in charge. He was shocked, relieved, puzzled, overwhelmed with the story that I gave him. They'd searched both my place and Nick's the next day when neither of us showed up for work. They found large quantities of blood on the floor and Jerry had claimed them to be the same type as Nick's. None of mine was found in either place." Without thinking, Natalie brushed her neck where Nick had bitten her. The touch brought her back to the story. "There were some abnormalities in the blood they couldn't identify and it turned to ash in transport when the cooler flipped open as they were unloading it. There were no bodies, and nothing to work on. We were reported as missing persons and the search continued for 6 months. Finally, Reese was told to put it in the unsolved files, but he refused to believe we were dead. A year later, a package arrived addressed to him. It was Nick's last will and testament to be delivered to Captain Reese in the event I was unable to be found. Nick had left everything he owned to me. It was to be delivered to me 1 year after his disappearance. If I was no longer alive or missing, he was to hold it for 7 years, then open it. He handed it to me with a smile. Nick had given me his trust, his heart and all his worldly possessions knowing I would do good with them in his absence. I knew then there was a purpose for all of this. He wanted me to live to carry on his quest until we could be together. That night I regained my purpose in life." She smiled, then released her husband's hands and walked back to the bench and sat down gracefully. Adam followed and sat down beside her. Natalie stared at the moon. "When I returned I tried to tell you, but you refused to listen. It was my past, not our future you said." She smiled at her husband. "I loved you for that, for being you, but a part of me knew it was because you just couldn't admit defeat and I really had no desire to leave you. We'd been through so much together and maybe you were right. Maybe our life together would become what I once had with Nick, so I acquiesced. We didn't need the money and you didn't seem interested. So I took the money and had the loft cleaned and put back in order. I never returned, but I felt I owed it to Nick. It is cleaned and kept up even today. I took part of the money and built the de Brabant Research Clinic here in Montreal. I built my own lab down to my own electron microscope and I went every week you were gone...to work on what I'd started so long ago." She turned and stared into her husband's shocked expression. "You didn't want to know, so I let it go. When you were here, I was Jasmine Norris. When you were gone, I was Natalie Lambert, MD, researcher and owner of one of the largest research facilities in the country. All those papers you refused to look at were research proposals, grants, and works in progress. I left all the money in the de Brabant Foundation account and transferred it as I needed. I gave up all the parties and only attended when you were home. I tried once again to tell you, but you backed away once more. So I went back to the lab and worked on the cure. In the mean time the clinic with all its research, discovered several new drugs, numerous blood therapies for AIDS and lupus that have all proved beneficial. Through the clinic, we have saved thousands of lives and given thousands more the ability to live normal lives." She stared into his eyes and smiled. "I continued to search for the cure. On a whim I checked my blood against the samples I had frozen of Nick's many years ago. I had a strange trait attached to my cells...similar yet different than his. It was a mutant strain of the vampire gene only sunlight or the introduction of nutrients into the cellular membrane didn't affect it. Only then did I notice the ability to hear things being said 2 blocks away, see things more than a mile clearly and if I concentrated hard enough, I could lift off the floor a few feet and float in the air." She watched Adam closely looking for disbelief. "I was frightened and intrigued at the same time and the scientist took over once more. I tried mixing my blood with his and the vampire gene disappeared in his blood and united with mine. The cells attached and reattached under my microscope until they began to glow and finally merge into a single cell with the mutant gene of mine still attached. In essence, my blood would cure the vampire of its weaknesses. I was a walking immortal, impervious to sunlight and fed by normal nutrients instead of blood. The more I studied it, the more fascinating it became. Together, our blood combined created enormous power, but I had to accept the truth. Nick was gone and only the mutant gene in my blood still existed. I refused to believe my discovery meant nothing. So I applied the research to the new leukemia therapy and low and behold, I could copy the gene traits and reproduce its ability to regenerate at an incredible pace. We are in the final stage of clinical trials now. Hopefully next year the clinic will announce the cure for leukemia." She smiled knowing that the outcome would outweigh her sacrifices. She stuck her hand in her pocket as was her habit when she felt great joy. "He is with you even now, isn't he?" Adam said sadly as he watched her hand moving slowly in her pocket without her thinking. "Will you show it to me now?" He whispered as he stared into her sad eyes. "I know you carry his picture. I just never had the guts to see what my competition looked like. I thought I could win your heart no matter how good he looked, but it was more than that, wasn't it? It wasn't his face or his body you loved...but his soul." He placed his hand over hers. "I need to see him. I need to see what you had together." She pulled the faded picture out of her pocket and handed it to him. It was Nick and herself at the picnic. Schanke was in the background. Great joy showed on her face as well as Nick's. Adam gasped. "I'm so sorry!" Tears flooded his face. "No, Adam! It's all my fault. I should have told you, forced you to listen, but when I tried you shut me out. It was a part of me you didn't want to know. What we had was different and you said you were happy with that. You didn't need to know what was in my past, that is was just that...past." She wrapped her hands around his and pulled him into her arms as he wept. "I am so sorry, Adam. I never meant to hurt you. I never..." "NO!" He pulled back and shoved her to arms' length, still clutching the photo in his grasp. "It is I who is at fault here, Jasmine...Natalie." He shook his head in confusion. "It was my own selfish desires to have you to myself that has brought us to this and in the process I have hurt you. I have made you live a lie...a life you were never meant to live." He waved the photo in front of her and pointed to Nick in the photograph. "He is alive!" Part 9 "What are you saying, Adam? I felt the stake pierce his heart. His tears touched my lips and I'm sure that's what caused me to change. My conversion was different because Nick had changed before he died. He died in my arms, Adam. I felt him leave as I slipped into the darkness. The pain I live with every day tells me he is gone. If Nick were alive he would have found me. I know that as sure as I breathe." She stared into her husband's tear filled eyes as she spoke filled with her own pain. "No..." Adam whispered as he stared at the man in the photograph. "Three nights after you appeared in the emergency room, this man stood at your window in intensive care. He was paler, almost gray in color and looked like he belonged in the hospital himself. I came to check on you that night and saw him staring into your room through the glass. Sadness overwhelmed me as I approached the desk and I gasped for air." He stared into her disbelieving eyes. "He was so pale, in such pain, but somehow I knew he had done this to you. I just couldn't let him hurt you again. I thought I was doing the right thing. I was young, egotistical and you were so helpless and so beautiful lying there." Adam relived the scene with the pale blond man one more time as if it were yesterday. "He was in pain too. I realize that now, but he wanted you to have a chance at a normal life. A life he couldn't give you. You have to see that, but he was wrong. I was wrong." Adam ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. Adam stared at Natalie who sat motionless beside him. "I convinced myself he was a figment of my imagination. I asked Margie about him, and she thought I was joking with her. No one could remember a blond man. It was as if he'd never been there at all. Only I remembered. I knew the reason I threw your loss of memory in his face. I knew he was the cause of your pain and I couldn't let it happen again. What I saw in his face was pure unadulterated love and I wanted it for myself. I used guilt and his love for you for my own selfish gain." Adam hung his head. Finally, he met her eyes. "When you started drawing his eyes, I knew he was real, but I didn't want to believe it. I knew everything that happened that night had been real, but I convinced myself it didn’t matter. He walked away because he did love you, because he thought he could never give you what you needed. He sacrificed everything so you could have a chance at a life filled with love without regret, but he was wrong. Love isn't real if you don't sacrifice anything for it. After a week I was determined to make you love me. I wanted to see the love on your face for me that I'd seen on his for you, but it never happened. For five years I watched you fight with yourself, trying to find the missing part that had loved so deeply. I wanted you to see we could build together something stronger, better than anything that could cause you so much pain...but it didn't work." Adam sighed in regret. "I was a selfish bastard and I'm sorry." "I knew when you started drawing his eyes that your memory was returning, but I refused to accept it. I wouldn't give you the divorce because my ego could never admit to the defeat...but I hadn't lost. I was never in the game and it was my own fault. I tried making you into something you weren't and refused to accept what you had been." Adam smiled sadly. "For that I apologize. I don't however, regret any day that I have spent with you. You are a light that cannot be extinguished in a room of darkness. You are a kind, loving woman that has given me more love than I ever deserved. If I could take back one thing in my life, it would be that night 20 years ago. I would have made him stay by your side and let you figure out how to make it work. He is your soulmate. I think I realized it then, but my pride just wouldn't accept it. " Adam touched her cheek and she didn't pull away for the first time. "Be happy, Jasmine. Be happy for both of us...find him and rebuild what should have been in the first place." -------------- 2 days later: Natalie walked into the loft. The cleaning service had been there only 5 times this year. They'd informed her there was very little to do since no one actually lived there. She hadn't bothered to call before she came. She and Adam bid each other a final farewell as they both knew she would not return. She'd left the forwarding address of the loft. She must start at the beginning, if she were to find the answers. Only here could she feel Nick as if he were by her side. Was he dead now? Or was he hiding to keep her safe once more? She pulled the white tarps off the furniture and ran her fingers across the keyboard of the Steinway and listened to the tone. Nick would have had a fit. She sat down on the piano bench and noticed the white envelope sitting gracefully on the music stand. She picked up the envelope addressed to her and opened it with trembling fingers. Janette's scent of lavender still lingered on the thin white paper while her long smooth elegant strokes filled the pages. Dearest Natalie: If you are reading this letter, then your memory has returned and your marriage is no more. You did very well in hiding Nicola's assets from prying eyes and making it appear he still controlled the money. It took me several years of investigation to find out that Nicola no longer controlled his millions, but you did. He is not quite forthright with any information concerning you as you well know. Only then did I realize your memory must have returned and you wished not to renew your relationship. For several years, I found great comfort in that fact, but as time progressed and Nicola's state of mind did not improve, I began to see what he had forfeited on that night so many years ago. As you can determine from this letter, Nicola is alive...if you will call it that. Let us just say that he exists. It was the one of the two requirements to maintain your safety. The other was to remain by LaCroix's side. He has done that for the past 19 years. He made me promise never to speak to you about any of this, but check on you to make sure you were well. This letter is my answer to that request. When I realized I had truly lost him to you, I grieved, then became angry. Finally, I understood what it cost him to stay away from you and let you live out your mortal life. I know I would never have had the strength if Robert had lived and the circumstances reversed. His actions were based on love and in 19 years LaCroix has not managed to destroy it or change the agreement made that night. So let me begin at the beginning. I will return each year the week of April 28 to change this letter. Then if you decide to forgive him, you will have all the facts. This is my 19th letter to you. Every year we return to Nicola's estate in France for two weeks. LaCroix vacations elsewhere, I return to Toronto, and Nicola celebrates the anniversary of meeting you...Alone, as is his wish. When I return, I tell him that you are doing well and you are happy. I never told him you married and he has not asked. In 19 years, he has not returned to Toronto. I believe out of fear and regret, but I am not certain any longer. So let me begin. When Nicola brought me back across after Robert's death, I was extremely angry with him. After some time, I began to realize that it was my decision to return...not his. He brought me back out of love. Yes, he still loves me, but not as we once were. It is a love based on friendship of 800 years of loneliness and persecution. He is a part of me as I of him, but his heart never belonged to me. I realize that now as I look back on our 100 years together as husband and wife. Something had been missing. Maybe that's why I decided to move on and end the relationship as it was. I do not know, but I believe he does. For many nights, I felt his pain and confusion across the miles. At one point, I thought he would walk into the sun as his guilt weighed heavy upon him. On that night, his pain was mine and I flew as fast as I could to be at his side and take it away. It was not intentional on his part, but his passion for life and the emotion that he feels are far different than any of our kind. That's what makes him unique and I think what LaCroix craves most of all. When I arrived, LaCroix had driven the stake through his heart. I'm not sure who was the most out of control. Never in a thousand years would I have thought it possible for LaCroix to stake Nicola. His love of Nicola was the only constant through the centuries. Although he abused and tortured him in a battle of wits to obtain control, he truly loved Nicola. Of this I am certain. I screamed in agony when I felt him slipping away. Only then did I realize I could not let him die any more than he could let me. As he slipped into the darkness to join you, I jerked the stake free from his heart. LaCroix regained his composure and backhanded me for my efforts. By the time I had recovered, he was already trying to force his blood down Nicola's throat. When that failed, he sliced both their wrists and bound them together. So willingly or not, Nichola had to return to this world, but keeping him here with you dead would be another challenge. I was certain he would walk into the sun at the first chance, so I voiced my opinion. Only then did LaCroix tell me you still lived. He wanted you dead then and probably even more so now as his plans have failed. So I flew you to Montreal for help and LaCroix took Nicola to a safe place for him to recover. Three days later, Nicola regained consciousness after LaCroix threatened to kill you if he did not return to his side. It was cruel and heartless as many things LaCroix had done to him over the years. Nicola's love for you overshadowed everything else in his blood. Our master spent many centuries using our weaknesses against us. On that night, LaCroix swore a blood oath that you would die if Nicola did not return to be at his side. It still would not have worked if I hadn't combined my blood with his. Only then did he believe that you truly lived and LaCroix would do as promised. He returned that night to stay at LaCroix's side so you would have a chance at a normal life. I must say, Nicola has not done as expected on LaCroix's part, but he has fulfilled his end of the bargain. Nicola barely eats enough to survive and although he is at LaCroix's side when requested, he does not go along with any of his endeavors. In a fit of rage LaCroix almost beat him to death several years ago. It took a full year for the damage to heal. His metabolism is not as it was, nor does he eat appropriately. This all takes its toll and he grows weaker every year. His only solace is the 2 weeks he spends alone at his estate. He told me once it was the only time he could actually feel you as LaCroix blocked any contact he had with you through your blood link. Yes...you are linked. The pain you feel is his as well as your own. LaCroix only masked it to confuse you and foil any attempt on Nicola's part to contact you. This past year has been the worst. LaCroix has taken less effort to block the bloodlink between you, but Nicola has grown very weak. I am frightened to leave him at this point as he becomes more distressed each day and his desire to live is non existent. He believes you dead as he can no longer feel you. I fear that it is because you no longer grieve over what was between you. I pray that I am wrong and shall take word back to him once more. Hopefully that will be enough to keep him alive for another year. I leave you now and shall return next year during the same week. If you wish not to speak with me, then do not answer this letter. If you do, simply tell me how to contact you as I gave a promise to Nicola that I do not intend to keep if you wish to see him. With Admiration Janette Natalie clutched the letter to her breast as the tears of 20 years flooded her face. Could he blame himself for what happened that night? Of course he did. She stood and paced the room. They both were to blame that night. His loss of control was her fault because she was terrified of losing him forever. But he had not lost his faith. She reached back into the memory of that night and relived what she'd felt. Love, trust and faith guided him...She would see that it was not misplaced or lost. She walked to the fireplace, built a fire, called the deli to have food delivered, then sat down to wait. Part 10 Nat checked her watch for the third time in 15 minutes. It was almost dusk. She could feel it now if she reached out with her heightened senses. It had been 2 days since she'd returned to the loft and 5 days since leaving Montreal. She was nearing the end of the week that Janette had described in her letter. If she were to return, it would be tonight or never. Maybe Nick was no longer alive. Maybe Janette had given up or maybe LaCroix had interfered this year. She paced the floor in front of the fireplace, becoming more agitated with each passing minute. When the sun set, the shudders clicked on and rose slowly. The beginning of another night was upon her. She inhaled the cool air that wafted through the open window and became one with the night. She walked to the window and peered out into the slowly darkening street below. If only she had another clue to go on. If Janette did not appear tonight, she would seek out Felix and start there. Surely some of the vampire community was still left here. Suddenly, she was no longer alone. With a deep breath she turned to meet the ancient vampiress. Janette appeared effortlessly through the skylight. The warm fire, the untarped furniture, the smell of the wood burning brought tears to her eyes as she remembered how much Nicola loved this place. She searched the room and heard the steady heartbeat of one she'd recognize immediately without Nicola's aid. Natalie had returned. She stared at the woman peering out the window and knew instantly she was aware of her presence, but something was wrong. Janette listened intently and studied the woman who turned to greet her. Her bright blue eyes had not changed or the riotous auburn hair that graced her delicate neck, inviting the touch of any male around her. The good doctor had never been aware of her appeal to the opposite sex and she would not enlighten her now. The woman who stood before her was not a day older than 35 years of age. Her skin was kissed with a light tan as her hair flamed golden, then red in the firelight that flickered across the room. This was not possible. The Natalie Lambert she'd known would have been near 55 by now, but the woman before her had not aged a day since their meeting in the morgue some 21 years earlier. "Hello, Janette." Natalie's soft voice broke slightly as she stood still under the scrutiny. She watched Janette use her vampire senses to probe her mind and body seeking answers. When their eyes met she saw doubt. "I wish I could explain my appearance or lack of age, but I can't. It appears Nick's tears carried some of the vampire gene and I reaped the benefits." She waited as Janette studied her closely, then appeared beside her. "Answer me one question, Mon chere. Do you still love him?" She whispered into her ear. Natalie could feel the tension within Janette's words and the need to know the truth. Natalie turned to face her eye to eye. Only then did she realize how close to the same height they were, how much alike they were in many ways when it came to Nick. She offered her wrist to the ancient vampiress. "My blood does not lie. Drink and know that what I feel for Nick has not changed. My lack of guts to step foot back into the loft after I regained my memories causes me more pain than you can imagine. Tell me he is still alive. Tell me that there is a way for us to be together now." Her voice broke as a single tear escaped her eye. Janette did not hesitate, but sank her fangs deep within Natalie's wrist. When she finished, she wrapped her cloak around them and they both disappeared into the night. -------------- Nick sat down at the pool's edge as he had so many times before. His time here was coming to an end. His body was failing him now and his lack of desire to feed properly only hastened the effect. He could no longer feel Natalie, which meant she was gone. Whether it was from death or the acceptance of another into her heart, she was gone to him now. At least LaCroix had given up interest in her because she was too old for his tastes. He preferred his victims young and vibrant as the newborn snow. Natalie would be in her 50's now and well past LaCroix's attention. He stared into the pool at his own image, still as young-looking as he was 20 years ago. He was thinner, paler and the sadness within him was etched into his features permanently. Tonight was his last night. There was no reason to continue on this way. He would not live without her and she was truly gone. He took a deep breath of the night air as he swirled one finger into the still pool before him. Natalie's image appeared behind him as she had many times before in his dreams. He smiled. "I see you even now just as you were then, my love. I hope you are happy. That life has given you the joy you deserve. I miss you." He said softly. "I will always miss you and what we had for such a short period of time. We shall meet again. Of that I am certain, because I have regained my faith once more. You gave it back to me that night many years ago. Your love and faith in me has given me the strength to survive these past 20 years, but it is time now for me to finish what we started. If you aren't there now, I will wait for you. I shall always wait for you because you are my other half, the part of me that I have been searching for all my life. I love you, Natalie...and I shall forever." He touched the image of her standing behind him and it didn't disappear. "You are my heart and my soul, Nick, and nothing will ever change that. I can never be happy without you. I love you Nicholas de Brabant Knight and I am waiting right here for you. All you need do is believe. Love me Nick as I have loved you all these years and let us make new memories." She gently touched his shoulder. Startled, he turned to find her standing there. His breath caught and his heart beat. Disbelief still registered on his face when he stood. Slowly, she reached out to caress his face as she had many times before in her dreams. "I am here my love. With you as we were always meant to be." He wrapped his fingers around hers and pressed a kiss to the palm of her hand. "If this is a dream, don't ever let me awaken." He pulled her into his arms and brought her lips to his. She opened like a flower under his touch and the years of denial were washed away. She moaned in response to his touch as his hands caressed her body memorizing every inch. Her hands found their way to his silky blond hair and she was lost. All the years between them melted away as their bodies responded to each other in the only way possible. He broke the kiss when the vampire flared. "How is this possible, Natalie? How can this be?" He kissed her again and she sliced her tongue across his razor sharp fangs. When her blood flowed freely into his mouth, he gave into the emotion and love he'd long denied. With the first taste of her blood, he knew all that had transpired. Her loss of memory, her marriage, the fear of not being able to complete what they started and most of all the loneliness she'd felt without him. He broke the kiss once more and pulled her deep into his embrace and wept for joy. She wrapped her arms around him and gave into her own emotions. "I have never stopped loving you, Nick." She whispered. "Tell me you still love me. Tell me we can finally be together." Her eyes met his filled with self-doubt. He held her head between his hands and stared deep into her eyes. "I will always love you, Natalie Lambert. Just tell me you were happy at least some of the time, so this wasn't in vain. Tell me you choose the darkness with me over the light with anyone else because you want to be with me." Hope was written into his eyes as he whispered the words that should have been said many years before. "Tell me you will love me forever for I shall die with the rising sun." "Through the light and the dark, my heart has always belonged to you, Nick. I could never be happy without you, but you made me see that love without sacrifice isn't worth having. Bring me into the darkness with you and I shall show you the light. The memory of your love has kept me alive for 15 years. Now I want to make new memories, live new dreams and finish what we started. Love me, Nick, and give me an eternity to show you how much I love you." She brought her lips back to his and they were lost. Looking deep into her eyes, he saw acceptance and love with no fear. Gently, he placed his fangs into her neck and drew the essence of what she was and all that they could be together into his very soul. She clasped his head to her throat and gave into the warmth and love he created within her. As he drank, his memories became hers and their souls united. A white light appeared. She reached out to its bright glow and pulled it into them both. Power flooded their union as the energy between them created a shimmering light based on something stronger than the vampire. They were no longer two, but one made of unity and hope based on love. ----------------- Janette filled the glass once more and smiled when the union was complete. It was as is should have been 20 years ago, only now all doubts were gone. The power washed over her and for the first time in over 1000 years, she too felt hope. The small rustle of the drapes announced his entrance. "It would appear things have changed since my departure." LaCroix's velvet voice caressed her from the far corner of the room and she was not immune. He appeared beside her and caressed her fingers still wrapped around the glass. Her dark hair glistening in the light of the fire and once again, the beauty within her stunned him. "I see my little plan has finally paid off. I must admit you played your part very well. I could have never done it without you. Nicholas can be so stubborn at times and the Good Doctor...Well, let's just say I'm finally looking forward to the next 1000 years." He smiled evilly and sipped the blood from her glass. Her eyes flashed gold only seconds before the sharp pain pierced his chest. She stepped back smugly. "No one uses me, LaCroix, not you, not Nicola, not anyone! Don't think you had anything to do with this. This was his destiny, but you will see that soon." She stepped closer and jerked the stake from his chest. "You wanted a challenge." She smiled evilly. "I think they are walking up the steps now, but then you wouldn't know that, would you? Reach out to him, LaCroix. What do you feel...or should I say...what don't you feel? The game has changed and you no longer write the rules." She laughed at his discomfort, then tossed the bloodied stake at his feet. "You'd better take it. I don't think they will be as forgiving as I am." The outer door opened and she disappeared. The End Author's Note: If you enjoyed the story, why not read some more? Come join the fun and visit my Fiction page at: >http:www.plantnet.com/~nitewind/Fiction2.html Better yet go UNDERCOVER & enjoy the ride with my new novel! Available NOW in paperback, pdf & CD versions: See my webpage above! Or go direct to the sources at: >http://www.virtualbookworm.com/undercover >http://www.amazon.com Type in B.W. Starmer or UNDERCOVER >http://www.barnesandnoble.com Type in B.W. Starmer All comments to: ****StormyNite at: nitewind@plantnet.com**** ***The Truth is out there!*I just can't find it!*** **NNPacker*BlackHatWatcher*XFileTruthSeeker** *Andromedans*CroweFan*SorboDrooler*GWDFC*