A Knight of Woes with Judge Trudy by: P. Costantino Characters: Nick, LaCroix, Judge Trudy and others Disclaimers: These characters do not belong to me. I'm just borrowing them. Note to reader: This court session takes place two weeks after Last Knight which did happen. Court Reporter: Real cases! Real people! Judge Trudy! (Note: Well, in this case, I don't know about the real people, if you know what I mean.) Tonight folks, we have a very unusual case where the plaintiff, Nicholas B. Knight, wants a restraining order put on a one Lucien LaCroix. He also requests the return or replacement of one shillelagh* from Mr. LaCroix. Knight claims that LaCroix attempted to prevent the paramedics from resusitating a Natalie Lambert, M.D. He also alleges that Mr. LaCroix stole his shillelagh from his loft. Finally, Mr. Knight asserts that the defendant is a stalker and should be restrained. Mr. LaCroix claims that he simply wants his closest friend to give into his nature. (whatever that means!) Clerk of the Court: All rise for the honorable Judge Trudy. This court is now in session. Please be seated. Judge Trudy: Before we begin, I would just like to say that this case BETTER be good, guys! I had to relinguish seats at the opera tonight to listen to your strange account. I find it UNBELIEVABLE that you BOTH suffer from identical skin disorders. You couldn't bring yourselves to court just once during the day! Anyway, proceed, Mr. Knight! Nick: Your honor, I would like you to hold this vamp.....ummm, I mean, this person accountable for practically allowing my best friend, Dr. Lambert, to die. LaCroix: (rolling his eyes) Really, Nicholas! Best Friend, indeed! How drole! Nick: Well, she is! LaCroix: And, I'm the tooth fairy! Judge Trudy: Ok, fellas! Let's just stay on track, shall we? Mr. Knight, you say here in your affidavit, Mr. LaCroix allegedly used his special hypnotic skills on two paramedics to prevent them from administering a blood transfusion to Dr. Lambert. Nick: Yes, that's correct! Nat...Dr. Lambert suffers from pernicious anemia. She collapsed suddenly while watching "Bram Stoker's Dracula" with me. I called 911. When the paramedics arrived, LaCroix, who came unannounced, tried to whammy...,excuse me, I meant hypnotize these men, who were trying to save my belov...I mean my friend from death's door. Judge Trudy: And from whom did you learn hypnosis, Mr. LaCroix? LaCroix: from a Scottish surgeon, A Mr. James Braid.** I believe it was the summer of 184l.... Judge Trudy: Excuse me! Do I look like a moron to you? Did I hear you correctly? Did you just say in 1841, you learned hypnosis? I don't think so! LaCroix: Pardon me, madam! I meant I READ about Mr. Baird's research into the benefits of hypnosis for his patients. He seemed quite certain that it could be used for therapeutic purposes. I was interested in the concept of using hypnosis to control.....No, let me rephrase that....to CALM individuals, who needed GUIDANCE and DIRECTION in their life. (looks meaningfully at Nick) As far as the paramedics, I merely used my hypnotic skills to ensure that they addressed the good doctor Lambert's needs in an expeditious manner...and..... Nick: Oh for goodness sake! Are you going to believe this nonsense? The paramedics were professionals! They didn't require any help, especially from you, LaCroix. You always have to interfere. Can't you leave anyone alone? Judge Trudy: Ssh..Listen to me! Enough! Let's get back to the good doctor, as you so fondly call her, Mr. LaCroix. Is the patient expected to make a complete recovery, Mr. Knight? Nick: Yes, her doctors give her a favorable prognosis as long as...(sigh) I stay away from her. (angsting look) Judge Trudy: Wait a minute, here! Why would your absence from Dr. Lambert's side benefit her anemic condition? LaCroix: (snickering under his reserved demeanor) Yesss..Nicholas, do tell us! Nick: Ummm...Well, it's like this..I've been recently suggesting to Dr. Lambert that she loosen up on her restricted diet for her blood disorder and ummm...I also haven't pushed her to take her iron tablets... (warming to the subject) Yeah, that's it. I'm a terrible patient, myself. You see, your honor. Dr. Lambert has been treating me for my skin condition for 5 years. She gives me vitamin C for this problem, but..(laughing nervously) I'm awful at forgetfulness. She's the same way. Always forgetting to take her pills. So since we both suffer from this problem, I was simply stating that it might be a good idea if I stay away from her during her recuperation. That way, she can receive the benefit of her necessary treatments without me hampering her possible recovery. Judge Trudy: (skeptical) Sure, whatever you say. Therefore, you want to hold Mr. LaCroix accountable for the doctor's possible demise in your loft on the night of May 17, 1996. How do you wish to be compensated by him for your trauma? Nick: Money means nothing to me. I'm worth mill....I mean I don't want monetary damages from him. I just want LaCroix to leave Dr. Lambert and myself alone. He's such a control freak! He's always after me to give in to what I am...meaning of course that he wishes me to act like him...to conform to his way of thinking. I don't want to! He is also after me to move on with him. I'm content to stay in Toronto with Dr. Lambert and continue my job as detective. LaCroix: Really, Nicholas! How tedious you have become! I sometimes don't know why I ever gave you eternity! Judge Trudy: (yawning) Well, I don't understand this conversation at all. But, I do know one thing, this courtroom drama is taking an eternity to end! Let's proceed, gentlemen. And try to speak when I want you to! Ok? Ok! (Reviewing Knight's affidavit) I see here, Mr. Knight, you want me to implement a restraining order for Mr. LaCroix to prevent any more stalking. LaCroix: How utterly ridiculous! Me, a stalker, of YOU! Come now, Nicholas. I__don't__stalk___you! (LaCroix's eye's are turning golden at the mere thought of stalking prey.) Nick: Maybe STALKING isn't the appropriate word. But, you try so hard to keep me under your wing, I can't breathe. You won't allow me any freedom to pursue my own way in life. You treat me like a child when I'm an adult. I can take care of myself, thank you very much! LaCroix: Now, Nicholas, as I recall, you referred to me as your closest friend on the night in question. Why the change of heart? Nick: You know very well why I told you that. I wanted you to kill me, so Natalie...Dr. Lambert and I could be together. Judge Trudy: (eyes towards ceiling) For this, I missed La Boheme. Detective Knight, you are saying you wanted the defendant, Mr. LaCroix, to kill you? Nick: Well, we thought Dr. Lambert was initially dead. You know, before the paramedics arrived and all..I told LaCroix that I couldn't live without my best friend and to kill me with the shillelagh. Judge Trudy: Some best friend, Mr. Knight! Why the shillelagh? Seems kinda odd to use a wooden walking stick. Nick: only weapon available for a vamp... I mean..a person like me. It was nearby. I wanted LaCroix to bludgeon me with the cudgel.*** One good BLOW on the head (stares at LaCroix intently) was ALL it would have taken. But, noooo, he had to go and mess it up....(quickly adds) Thank goodness, though! Because we noticed that Dr. Lambert was still alive. That's when I called 911. Judge Trudy: You also stipulate, Mr Knight, that LaCroix stole your shillelagh during the confusion of Dr. Lambert's transfer to the hospital. Mr. LaCroix, he would like the item returned to him. LaCroix: Well, I am unable to return the cudgel as I have disposed of the infernal object. Nick: What did you do with my prized walking stake..ummmm..stick? LaCroix: I burned it. Nick: (lunges at LaCroix) You what! That shillelagh came from a Celt who I met in England while visiting friends before I went off to the crusades... Judge Trudy: Ssh..Ok, Hold everything! This conversation has really gone over the deep end, now. (wagging a finger at Knight) Young man, I will not have you making a mockery of my court with your ludicrous statements. LaCroix: Your honor, I couldn't agree more. Nicholas has never been very good at showing obedience and respect, have you my wayward child. Judge Trudy: And you, Mr. LaCroix! Put a lid on it! You only talk when I tell you to. LaCroix: (glares at Judge Trudy for a brief moment and contemplates what she would taste like as his next prey after the tedious court session ended.) Nick: Sorry, your honor. I meant no disrespect. I wanted to say that I bought that shillelagh at auction 3 years ago and I would like Lacroix to replace it with another. LaCroix: That's absurd! I won't be able to find another one like it! Nick: As it just so happens, LaCroix, Christie's of London has the exact same one in their auction catalogue, estimated at $20,000. You can buy that one to replace the other. LaCroix: You have completely lost your mind, if you expect me to recompense you by purchasing a $20,000 dilapidated walking stick. I could merely pick one up at an old antique shop for $50.00. I won't tolerate your insolence! You accept my offer to buy the latter or forget it. It's your decision, Nicholas. Nick: Typical, LaCroix. We always have to do everything YOUR WAY! This time we're doing things MY WAY! Judge Trudy: (banging gavel) Pipe down, mister blue eyes! I'm tired of you both not listening to me. OK, I think I've reached a decision and... LaCroix: (locking onto Judge Trudy's heartbeat and gazing intently into her eyes.) Madam, you need to take a 15 minute recess to sort this evidence out. Judge Trudy: (in a trance) Need to take 15 minute break. (Pounds gavel and exits courtroom.) (Nick and LaCroix leap to their feet and rush out of courtroom after Judge Trudy) Court Reporter: This proceeding is highly irregular. In my 5 years in this court, I've never seen anything like this occurrence. Mr. Knight and Mr. LaCroix seemed to have quickly disappeared from the courtroom. What will happen when the court reconvenes? Who will be the victor? 15 mins. later....(A disheveled Nick and LaCroix reappear and seat themselves) Clerk of the Court: The honorable Judge Trudy. Judge Trudy: (distant look on face) Gentlemen, I have reached a decision. Judgement of $50.00 to plaintiff. And...(suddenly smiling sweetly at LaCroix) Lucien...I mean ...Mr. LaCroix has convinced me that you, Mr. Knight need some therapy. Here's a highly recommended doctor...(hands clerk a business card who passes it to Knight) Dr. Cora...she is a radio psychologist, but she will occasionally make house calls. (gazing starry-eyed at LaCroix) We have decided that you should examine your suicidal tendencies, your depression and your guilt-ridden state, Mr. Knight. We also feel you should explore your inability to commit to a relationship with the good doctor Lambert. Perhaps you will learn to respect your elders during these therapy sessions, as well. Court adjourned. (Judge Trudy exits. LaCroix quickly follows her, leaving a dumbfounded Nick behind.) Moments later...(room adjacent to courtroom where interviews are conducted with plaintiffs and defendants.) Interviewer: How do you feel about the outcome of Judge Trudy's judgement, Mr. Knight? Nick: I'm outraged! The whole judgement was rigged! LaCroix whammied her before I could stop him. LaCroix makes me so angry. He always seems to think he knows what's best for me. (imitating LaCroix's voice) "You can't deny what you are." (normal tone of voice) He always says that to me. It's really irritating! I'm not denying what I am. I just want to CHANGE WHAT I am. A psychologist isn't going to help. He's the one who needs Dr. Cora, not me! Interviewer: (rolling his eyes) Ooooo K! Nice chatting with you! (LaCroix is in distance with Judge Trudy, helping her with her coat.) LaCroix: Madam, we could catch the second act of La Boheme if we hurry. Judge Trudy: (giggling like a schoolgirl) Oh Lucien, I'd be charmed if you would join me. LaCroix: (sardonic smirk) I wouldn't miss it for the world. The End I hope you enjoyed this story. Any comments are welcome. Please sign my guestbook or email me at : psmoot43@hotmail.com. Notes to reader: *shillelagh is what I thought Nick's walking stick resembled in Last Knight. ***Cudgel is simply another name for shillelagh. **Dr. Baird was a Scottish doctor, who practiced hypnotism during the 1840's.