I Know What Love Is Nov 2003 By: Patty Costantino Summary: A year after Last Knight, Nick reflects on the consequences of those events. Quotes from episodes: Feeding the Beast, I Will Repay, False Witness, Near Death, For I Have Sinned, and Black Buddha Part 1. Disclaimer and Characters: Nick, Natalie and LaCroix don't belong to me. Neither does Celine Dion's song, I Know What Love Is from her latest album, One Heart. I'm just borrowing them for a little while. Dedication: I would like to thank Phylis Sullivan for beta-reading this story and always encouraging me to write more. I couldn't have done it without her wonderful suggestions. Hugs and virtual chocolates. Permission is granted to archive at FKfanfic2, FK FTP archive. This story will be archived under fiction at my site: http:/www.geocities.com/pas_20197/homepage08.html Any constructive criticism or thoughts are greatly appreciated and welcomed at psmoot43@hotmail.com or pas_20197@yahoo.com ************************************* I Know What Love Is By Patty Costantino/psmoot43@hotmail.com Chapter 01/01 ************************************* Nick regarded the picture by his bedside table. With a somber expression, he picked it up and began running his hand across it, his fingers brushing lightly over the face staring back at him. A face…a person, who was beautiful not only on the surface, but inside as well. Natalie. When he'd taken the photo at the precinct picnic a few years earlier, it had been a spontaneous move on his part. The result, though, had been breathtaking, a work of perfection, as Nick had managed to capture her in a natural pose with her expressive eyes and warm smile dazzling her light in his direction. I was forgotten Until you called my name Lost in the shadows Until you shined your light my way Her light…a light like no other, outshining the noonday sun. Ever since he'd met her that night in the morgue, it had been there to wash over his dark soul, cleansing his frayed spirit, and finally, in the previous year, renewing his lost faith ~ both spiritual and human. A faith, if truth were told, Nick had been questioning since Joan's revelation to him that it was always there to be reclaimed…rekindled. And, a year ago, it had been. Now I believe again In all my dreams again I'm wide-eyed and innocent Guided by her own deep faith, Natalie had been the one to ignite it in his heart with her encouraging words, and cement it into his soul with her warm blood, the richest and purest he'd ever tasted. As he'd drunk deeply from her, holding nothing back, showing her the pleasures and sorrows of his many lifetimes, he'd also begun to encounter something he'd never experienced before in his 800 years: A pure mergence of two souls into one, as faith through love had bonded them in the most ultimate way possible. It was this same faith that when releasing her a moment later and discovering the cure hadn't worked, had remained steadfast, providing consolation to him. For above anything else, Nick had known this was now a veritable beginning, not an end for them. And like the beating of her heart, his doubts were rapidly fading. Those doubting days Are so far away and oh Doubt. For once in Nick's long eight hundred year existence, he didn't have any, only faith. Natalie had ensured that. But did it really surprise him that she'd been the one to show him the way back? After all, in the six years he'd known her, she had unceasingly been the eternal optimist, always possessing her own human faith. "We have made progress. I've watched you hold a crucifix. I know that I can make you human again, and I can help Richard just like I helped you." And spiritual faith. "You know, she (Joan) had incredible strength, this courage...utter lack of fear." "Faith." "Yeah. Faith in her own immortality...the spiritual kind, not the kind I had to offer." And a strong belief in everlasting life. "Is there an afterlife? Yes…can you just walk in? No…" "Does LaCroix ever talk to you about faith…in yourself…in an afterlife…in a greater being who loves us and forgives us no matter who we are or what we've done? "I won't accept that the sum of our existence can be measured in a few short years we're alive here. If that were true, everything we believe would be meaningless. Our lives would be meaningless. I know that's not true and so do you." No, it didn't surprise him she would be the one to guide him towards his faith again, but finding it in her heart to *extend* it to him, a creature fallen from grace, did; she could actually believe with unrelenting vehemence that he was redeemable and could be forgiven. I will fall And you will catch me always Time has taught me this Over time, Nick too had come to realize Natalie, through her faith, was always there for him, reaching out to catch him those times when cold, brutal reality had reared its ugly head, temporally shattering his hopes and dreams like glass. "Come to ogle the beast?" "I came to help." "You all come to help, don't you?" "Take my hand." "Back off, Nat!" "What happened tonight?" " I was riding on this wagon and someone pushed me off…" " Monica." "Aren't you the one who said, be realistic, Nick? Well, I've just had a fair dose of reality, a good, hard look at the mortal soul. What secrets are you hiding, Natalie? What kind of betrayal?" "Come on, Nick…" "Because there is no hope is there? No cure. From Monica, from you... It's all a bluff." "Oh…. what? Did somebody tell you there's an easy cure, Nick? 'Cause they were lying. You have to find the answer within yourself, and just because Monica failed you, doesn't give you an excuse to stop…" Yes, she was always there to give him support, to make him find his own inner strength when things were looking grim. I will fly And you'll be there to guide me Straight up to my heart's highest wish Guidance. Like Athena, Natalie had been his goddess of wisdom and direction, perpetually trying to make him see that mortal rules, ones Nick might have disregarded in the past, were now important steps towards achieving his grandest desire: mortality. "Remember, Nick, in the mortal world perjury is a crime too." And, at times, she'd even been rigid in her methods, resorting to tough love. "…There is a Black Buddha, I firmly believe that. And he did kill Schanke and all of those other people as sure as I'm standing here. But you are not that man. And, he's out there. He's crazy and he will probably kill again. Oh, wait a minute...that won't matter to you, will it? Because you will be off starting a new life somewhere, feeling sorry for yourself, running." " Natalie!" "No, no...you know what? I don't want to hear it. This isn't a debate. I don't even know why I bothered to come. This was, uh, this was wrong. I'm sorry. I guess I just expected more from you, Nick." But, in spite of it all, she was never deceptive or controlling, always allowing him the freedom to make his own choices, his own decisions…something, which someone else had never allowed him to do. And, through her guidance, he'd known she was making him a better person. I feel you close to me And I know what love is Nick had loved many women over the centuries, but wondered if, in truth, he'd ever really known what real love was until he'd met Natalie. There were no words to describe the depth of his feelings for her. Almost from the first, when his eyes had beheld her in the morgue, he'd known she was different…special. Over the years, with her caring ways, strident beliefs, staunch loyalty, and enduring love for him, she'd come to fill a void in him like no one ever could, stirring his soul in such a way that he could honestly say he was willing to die for her, sacrificing his un-life to be with her forever. And, a year ago, he'd been ready to do just that… Now there's no mountain Too high for me to climb No ocean so wide That I could not reach the other side A year ago, he'd been more than willing to reach for and join Natalie in true everlasting life, finally forsaking the false one he'd been living for almost eight hundred years. And, while kneeling beside her with their hands clasped together bracing for the stake's impact, for the first time in a long while, Nick had begun to pray, asking for God's forgiveness and mercy on his unworthy soul and to bring him into everlasting life upon his death. But, it never came. Instead, a moment later, he'd heard the heavy thud of the stake landing on the ground, and LaCroix's purring tone, "Plus ca change, Nicolas, plus ca change." Bewildered, Nick had swung around in time to capture Lacroix's vexed expression before seeing him fly away through the skylight. For a moment, he'd continued to stare at the vacant spot in the ceiling, as the full meaning of his master's words began to hit him like a bolt of lightening. Puzzlement swiftly faded into astonishment. He was mortal! Now I believe in me Cause you live and breathe in me And nothing can come between We are one star No night can darken, Oh… Nick could never say for sure what had been the key to his transformation that night, but somehow he'd felt the special love he and Natalie shared for each other and his renewed faith had something to do with it, breathing new life into him, making him whole again…making him com… "Nick…oh Nick…." A familiar voice cut into his musings, and glancing up, Nick broke into a wide grin. I will fall And you will catch me always Time has taught me this I will fly Since becoming mortal, flying was the one thing Nick could honestly say he did miss, but right now, it was no comparison to the flight his heart was taking at the sight of her, standing in the doorway, arms crossed, a warm smile tugging at her lips. "How long have you been standing there?" He asked, his grin becoming sheepish, as his face began to flush with embarrassment. "Long enough." She replied. "I guess regaining one's mortality doesn't alleviate those pesky flashbacks, huh?" Her smile broadened. "No, but at least now they don't go too far back into the past." He said, his expression becoming thoughtful, as he placed the picture back on the table and allowed his hand to linger for a moment on the frame before drawing it away. "Oh, just how far this time?" She asked, her smile dissolving, as she caught his expression and actions. "Only last year." He admitted reluctantly, giving her a telling look. "To that night." Her voice was filled with candor, her stare penetrating his as she took a step into the room. "Yes…to that night." He paused, emitting a heavy sigh, and then raising his arms, he reached out to her. "Com'ere." There was a slight tremor in his tone, a beseeching look in his eyes as she saw his outstretched arms, beckoning her, and felt her insides turn to Jell-O. And you'll be there to guide me Straight up to my heart's highest wish I feel you close to me And I know what love is Approaching, Nick reached over to seize her hand in his, and out of the corner of his eye, caught a glimpse of their wedding bands shooting luminous sparks into the darkening room. He smiled warmly at the sight before pulling away to gaze up at her, his eyes filled with unspoken love. Gently, he pulled her down into his lap, wrapping his arms around her. For a time, he simply held her, relishing her warmth, closeness and love. It's an unspoken thing A quiet opening At last, he pulled back to cup his hands around her face and she could see the tears glistening in his eyes. "What's wrong, Nick?" Her eyes searched his, concerned. "It's about last year, Nat," he began. "You know when I'd thought I'd taken too much, and couldn't hear your heart beat because I was mortal, I…" His words trailed off as she heard a suffocated cry come from his throat and saw a solitary tear roll down his cheek. "Sssh, Nick." Natalie soothed. "I know." She reached up to brush away the moisture on his skin with her thumb before cupping her hands around his face. "I know." She repeated, her tone empathic, as she placed her hands firmly around his face. "I know you understand, but I need to tell you this." She heard him take a deep breath before continuing, his voice amazingly calm. "For the better part of two centuries, I'd tried to reverse my condition, to become mortal. It was my fondest desire…my ultimate wish. But last year, once I had it and thought you gone…well… without you to share it with, suddenly it meant nothing to me." Again, his words drifted off; as she heard his voice catch and saw his eyes grow dark with emotion. Reaching up, she took one of his hands in hers, seizing it in a tight hold, as tears pricked at her eyes, threatening to escape. "Do you understand what I'm saying, Nat? You are the one who gives meaning to my life. Not my mortality or becoming human again. But *you*." His tone was fervent now, his eyes worshiping her. She felt him untangle his hand from hers to press both firmly around her face before hearing him speak again, his voice soothing and gentle. "You and…" She watched as one of his hands moved downward. "Little Nicholas…here." There are no words that can go that deep But I know I know A tear broke free to cascade down her cheek, as she saw his hand settle on her swollen belly, and then, a second later, saw a look of awe overtake his features when she felt the baby kick and knew he must have felt it too. Finally, Natalie managed to find her voice. "Fleur." She quietly corrected, as a shudder rushed through her and more tears fell. "Nicholas." He murmured back, as he drew his hand away from her stomach to touch her nose and then wipe the tears away. His tone was now playful as he gave her a warm smile. "Whatever." She said, smiling back, and trying to suppress the threat of more tears, hit him playfully in the ribs. "Ouch," he said, grabbing her hand. "You certainly can pack a punch with those fists of yours." For a moment Natalie's features creased into a worried frown as she caught Nick's wounded expression. But then, she saw the gleam in his eyes and broke into a smile. "Oh you!" She laughed, swatting him in the chest with her free hand. "You almost had me." "I did, didn't I?" He said, joining in with a hearty laugh, before his expression turned sober again. "Nat…" He reached over to cradle her face again in his hands, running his thumbs over her cheeks. "What?" She sighed against his caresses. "You know I'm truly blessed." He whispered against her, and then leaning forward, captured her lips in a tender kiss. And as it deepened, he realized that yes, he *was* indeed blessed. Not only had he regained his faith and mortality a year ago, but also after almost eight hundred years, he'd discovered what real love was. I will fall And you will catch me always Time has taught me this I will fly And you'll be there to guide me Straight up to my heart's highest wish I feel you close to me And I know what love is Finis To reader: I'm probably in the minority here when I say that I found the ending to Last Knight uplifting rather than depressing because of my strong belief in everlasting life. But I didn't mind coming up with an alternative ending either like others. And, although I'll take NN together either way~ light or dark~ my personal preference is mortal and married with lots of children. I know. I know. Borrrring. I couldn't resist the song either; IMO, it just screamed NN. Even if you don't know the music, the words ring so true for them. Again, if my little tale affected you in any way, please let me know at psmoot43@hotmail.com or pas_20197@yahoo.com