I have had this story swimming around in my brain for quite some time
and have only now actually written it down following a discussion that
has been happening on the Knight Vision forums.  I might expand it
someday, but for now this is how it came out.

I do want to post a a bit of a notice... please don't be put off by the
kind of sugary beginning; it isn't really a 'happy' story - kinda
bittersweet.

Permission is given to archive on the ftp site as well as fkfanfic2.
Eventually, it will be posted on my site.

Disclaimer:  I don't own the characters, I am just borrowing them for a
wee bit o' time.

Questions, comments, angst-ridden blond vampires can be sent to
nicholas_debrabant1228@yahoo.com
Flames will be used to torture my annoying co-workers

Full Circle
By Amanda Berendt
Copyright March 2004

     Natalie lay alone in the empty bed.  Despite the years of sleeping
alone, she had quickly gotten used to sharing it.  But recently she had
more often than not found herself alone.  Squinting in the darkness,
she looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table.  It was after
midnight.  Sighing, she rolled onto her back and stared up at the
ceiling.

     It had been nearly three years ago.  She and Nick had finally
succeeded.  He had, after searching for so long, regained his
mortality.  It hadn't been any single cure, but a combination of
factors.  She had perfected the litoveuterine injections, plus she had
finally convinced him that he was not evil.  Perhaps it was his new
positive attitude combined with her medical treatments, but whatever
had actually caused his transformation, they had succeeded.
     During those first weeks, Nick had been ecstatic.  He had spent
every moment possible in the sun.  They had gone on picnics, to the
beach, and Sunday drives in the caddy with the top down.  Those first
few weeks had been pure bliss.  It was as if they hadn't a care in the
world.  After a while, though, they did return to reality.
     Nick spoke to the captain and requested a transfer to days, citing
a remission of his skin condition.  He seemed to adjust easily to his
new routine.  He even went a step further and asked Natalie out on
their first official date.
     Natalie had just arrived for her shift.  She hadn't seen Nick in
several days.  Their work schedules were now opposite.
     The phone on her desk rang as she sat down.  "Lambert."
     "Hey Nat."  It was Nick.  He was still at work; she could hear the
noise of the day shift over the phone.  "Did you just get in?"
     "Yep, I haven't had a chance to look at any of the day files yet."
     He laughed, something he'd been doing a lot of lately.  "It's not
about the files.  I was just wondering if you were busy tomorrow
night?"
     "Why?"
     "Do you maybe want to see a movie or something?"  He sounded
nervous.
     "Nick Knight, are you asking me out on a date?"  She giggled.
     After a moment, during which she could hear the comments of Nick's
co-workers, he answered.  "I guess I am."
     "I'd be delighted."  She decided to give him a break seeing as he
hadn't done this in a while... or maybe at all.  "I'll check out what's
playing and give you a call tomorrow, ok?"
     "Great, I'll talk to you tomorrow."  As he hung up the phone, she
could hear cheers from the bullpen.  Apparently, Nick had decided to go
public with his feelings.  It certainly would make things very
interesting at work for a while.
     That date had turned into another and soon the department was
taking bets on when Nick would propose.  But he was taking it slow.  It
was nearly a year before Nick asked her.

     Natalie smiled, as she lay alone in the dark remembering their
wedding.  It wasn't the grandiose affair that most young girls (herself
included) envision their wedding day to be, but it was the most
wonderful day of her life.  It had been a small wedding - only a few
people had been invited.  When they had planned it, she and Nick
realized that neither one of them had many true friends.  Nick had
insisted on the ceremony being held in a church and she had agreed,
knowing how important that aspect was to him.  They enjoyed a beautiful
honeymoon in Hawaii before returning to the mundane world of work.
     It was not until a few months ago - not long after their first
anniversary, that things began to change.  It happened so gradually
that  Natalie had not noticed at first.  Nick began to come home later
and later.  He volunteered for extra shifts at night.  They had talked
about maybe buying a house, and she thought perhaps he wanted to do it
the 'mortal' way by not relying on the Foundation's wealth.  So it had
gone on like that for a while, neither saying anything.
     One night, though, Nick had not gotten home until well past
midnight.  Natalie had called the station and had been told he had
clocked out hours before.  After trying his cell phone and pager and
getting no answer, she began to worry.  She had always worried about
him attempting to help someone and forgetting that he no longer had the
vampire's ability to heal.  So she sat up and waited.  When he finally
opened the apartment door and walked in, the fear vanished into anger.
     "Where have you been?  Why haven't you called?"  She was almost in
tears.
     Nick calmly hung up his jacket by the door and walked past her
into the bedroom without saying a word.
     She followed him and grabbed his arm.  "Nick, what's going on?"
     He sighed.  "Nat, I'm sorry, ok?  Some of the guys went out for a
few drinks and I just lost track of time, alright?"  Even without the
obvious lack of alcohol on his breath, or smoke in his clothes, Natalie
knew it was a lie.  But she didn't push the matter.  It was late and he
would have to get up in a few hours for work.
     And so it went for the next few weeks.  Natalie stopped getting
angry; it wasn't worth it since Nick didn't seem to respond.  He became
more distant in the rare moments that he was home.  She tried to get
him to talk, but he wouldn't.  Brooding was his way.

     Natalie sighed and pulled the covers tightly around her.  In the
silence she heard the apartment door open and close.  When Nick didn't
come through the bedroom door, she began to wonder what he was doing.
The apartment was silent.  She looked again at the alarm clock and saw
that it was almost 4.30am.
     Sliding out from under the covers, she tiptoed to the door and
peered out into the darkness of the living room.  No lights were on,
but the pre-dawn light of the coming dawn was visible at the edges of
the curtains.  In the gloom, she could make out Nick sitting on the
couch.  She pulled the door open and stepped out into the living room.
     "Nick?"
     There was no response.
     "Nick, are you okay?  Did something happen?"  Worry began to creep
into her voice when he didn't even look at her.  She crossed to the
couch and sat beside him.  She felt him tense as she leaned against
him.   "Nick, whatever happened, I'm here.  Just talk to me and we can
get through it."
     He shook his head and buried his face in his hands.  The silence
of the room was broken by his stifled sobs.  When he finally spoke, his
words ripped through her heart.
     "I am so sorry, Nat... I thought I could do it... that I really
wanted it..."  His body shuddered as he tried to contain his grief.
     Natalie didn't know what he was talking about.  She held him
tighter and whispered to him.  "Nick, we can deal with this.  We've
been through so much together, this is just one more bump in the road."
 She leaned her head against his shoulder and rubbed his back.
     He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.  "No, Natalie, it
isn't."  He stood up and crossed the room, leaving her alone on the
couch.
     Nick's sudden change in tone made her nervous.  "Nick, what do you
mean... what's going on?"
     He turned to face her, but he stayed in the shadows away from the
dim light of the window.  "I have wanted to tell you for so long, but I
didn't know how.  I knew the longer I waited - the longer I kept it
from you - the harder it would be.  I don't want to hurt you after all
that you've done for me."
     The calmness of his voice didn't match the words he was saying.
Natalie sat there on the couch staring at the shadow in the corner that
was Nick.  Several times, she opened her mouth, but words didn't come.
He didn't want to hurt her?  What did that mean?
     Finally, her thoughts came together.  "I don't understand.  What
have you wanted to tell me?"
     Nick came to the couch once more, but instead of sitting beside
her, he knelt facing her.  He took her hands in his.  "Natale," her
heart skipped a beat. "I never meant to hurt you."  He leaned down and
kissed her hands.  When he raised his head again, the eyes that met
hers were golden.

     She gasped, pulling her hands away from his.  He let her pull away
without a word and calmly stood and retreated back to the corner.
     "Nick..."  Natalie cried.  "Oh, God, Nick... Why?"
     Silence hung over the room for several minutes before Nick spoke.
His voice was calm and sure.  "Natalie, all these centuries I thought I
was searching for my lost mortality, but with your help, I discovered I
had been wrong."  He held up his hand to stop her before she could
protest.  "When we began working together, you didn't believe that this
was a metaphysical condition.  Initially, you focused on the physical
aspects of the vampire.  That's where we were wrong.  What finally
worked was you convincing me that I wasn't evil.  You finally made me
believe that it was my humanity that I was searching for, which I
assumed went hand-in-hand with mortality.  With the regret and guilt
gone, there was nothing stopping the transformation.
     In the beginning, I was so happy.  I loved being in the sunshine,
but then as we settled into the routine, I kept feeling like something
was missing.  I didn't like the normality.  So, I started going out
with the guys at work.  It helped for a while, but even that wasn't
enough.  So, with a little reluctance, I started going back to The
Raven.  Being there, even as a mortal, was exhilarating.  I missed
that, Nat.  I missed the vampire."
     Natalie interrupted him.  "They got to you.  Lacroix hated that
you were mortal and he forced you." She tried to rationalize.
     Nick shook his head.  "_I_ went to him, Nat.  Actually, he didn't
believe me at first.  He thought I'd just change my mind again."
     Natalie was almost afraid to ask.  "What made him believe you?"
     "He tasted it in my blood."
      Natalie was silent.
     Nick returned to the couch and reached out to put his hand on her
shoulder.  She started at his touch and he pulled back.
     "Natalie,"  He knelt down in front of her once more.  "Whenever I
would wallow in my guilt and self-pity, you were the one who would try
to convince me to to continue on by telling me how many people I have
helped because of the vampire.  I still want to help people and I don't
think I can do it if I have to worry about getting hurt or killed."
     She reached up and touched his face, trailing her fingers across
his cool skin.  "Oh, Nick..."
     He saw tears in her eyes.  "Nat, please tell me this doesn't
change things."
     She pulled her hand away as the tears began to fall.  "Of course
this changes things, Nick.  I wanted you and I to have a life
together... to have a family.  But now..."
     "Now?"
     "I don't know, Nick.  I thought we'd fixed everything, that we'd
beaten it.  But now it's..."
     Nick stood up and backed away from her.  "Now it's what, Nat?"
     She hesitated before speaking.  All of her fears were now coming
to fruition.  "Nick, I stood by you for all those years because there
was a light at the end of the tunnel that we were both striving for.
Now that we've reached our goal, you've turned around and gone back
into the darkness.  I can't do it again, Nick.  I just can't."
     The silence hung between them.
     Nick looked into her tear filled eyes.  "So it's over."
     Natalie didn't answer.  She turned away from him and buried her
face in her arms.

     It was nearly noon as Nick sat alone at the bar of The Raven.
Resting his head on his hands, he didn't notice the figure approaching
the bar behind him.
     "It seems Natalie did not take your news very well, hmm?"  The
voice was gentle and full of sympathy.
     "Janette." He acknowledged her with a sigh.
     She sat on the stool beside him and ran her fingers through his
golden hair.
     He leaned into her touch, grateful for the kindness.  "She said it
was over, Janette.  I thought, of all people, she wouldn't turn away
from me."
     "Oh, mon coeur."  She said wrapping her arms around him.  "She
thought she had won, and then you go and forfeit the game."  Nick
shifted and returned the embrace. "She is mortal, Nicola, and you are
not.  You know better than most that we must always make sacrifices in
our dealings with mortals."
     "What am I going to do, Janette?  I thought she was the one, that
we would spend our lives together."
     Janette held him closer.  "You _did_ spend _a_ life with her.  Now
it is over and me must move on."  He raised his head and met her eyes.
"Paris has always been a perfect place to start over."

~Fin~

Yep, more of my IB side seems to be emerging.

Questions, comments, angst-ridden blond vampires can be sent to
nicholas_debrabant1228@yahoo.com