Another Woeful Knight with Judge Trudy by: P. Costantino Characters: Nick, Natalie, Judge Trudy and others Disclaimers: These characters don't belong to me. I'm just borrowing them. To: Reader: This court session occurs two months after Last Knight. This is a N&N story. In reading this one, you have to ask yourself, will this be the end of N&N's relationship? (such as it is!) Real Cases! Real People! Judge Trudy! (Well, one real person this time, we think anyway!) Court Reporter: We are here again tonight to listen to another woeful tale. It seems that the plaintiff, Natalie Lambert M.D. claims that the defendant, Nicholas B. Knight needs counseling for his bizarre sexual techniques. Dr. Lambert also alleges that from this encounter, Mr. Knight has partly infected her with his disease. Mr. Knight says that Dr. Lambert was a consenting adult, who was willing to take the risk. (In the background, we see Judge Trudy in her chambers passing a note to a Court Courier) Judge Trudy: (looking wan and peaked) Take this note to the Raven. Tell Lucien...Mr. Lacroix, I'll meet him at L'Azure after this case. Say 10:00, for a late dinner. (smiling gleefully at the possibilities of what that late night dinner will entail!) Courtroom: Clerk of the Court: All rise, for the Honorable Judge Trudy. This court is now in session. You may all be seated. Judge Trudy: (quickly slips iron tablets into her mouth and sorts through papers) Another night case! (glancing at Knight) Oh! YOU again! I should have guessed. Your skin condition, right? (rolling her eyes) And I presume you are the good doctor Lambert. Natalie: Yes, your honor, I'm Dr. Natalie Lambert from the Toronto Coroner's Office. Judge Trudy: Ah! A pathologist! It's wonderful when people take on that kind of work. But, it's so creepy and depressing. How do you do it, Dr. Lambert? Natalie: It's a living. You actually get accustomed to the stiffs. It's not so bad. Your patients never talk back to you. (looking coolly at Nick) And you never have to concern yourself with ones, who don't adhere to docter's orders. Judge Trudy: Yes, I recall Mr Knight, you said that you struggled with your regimen for your skin condition. Natalie: It's not just his skin disorder. (glancing at Nick) He suffers from a very rare gastrointestinal disease similar ro gastroenteritis where the stomach and intestines become inflamed. Because of this ailment, Nick..Mr. Knight is unable to ingest solid food at times. I have put him on a strict liquid diet which he abhores. Nick: Those concoctions of yours are disgusting, Nat...Dr. Lambert! If I drink another one, I believe I WILL DIE! Natalie: (hurtful look, folding arms across her front) Good! If you're dead, you won't have to worry about all the wrongs you have committed any longer. You won't have to blame yourself and wallow in guilt anymore! Nick: (contrite) You know that my special nature compels me to blame myself for my past sins. That I need to atone! Judge Trudy: Ok..listen to me, blondie, atone all you want for those past transgressions. Go to confession if it makes you feel better. St. John's is right down the street. But, do it on your own time! Got it! Now, let's get back to the subject at hand. Dr. Lambert, you say here (reviewing affidavit) that on May 17, 1996, you were at Mr. Knight's loft. He was consoling you on a friend's suicide. Natalie: That's right. I went to his place for COMFORT. I was so distraught and felt so empty over the loss of my dear friend Laura. Since Nick was such a good friend, such a close companion, such a chum, such a buddy... Judge Trudy: Yeah! Yeah! I get the picture! I've already heard that you are his best friend. Continue. Natalie: Well, at first Nick.. Mr. Knight tried to cheer me up with videos. We watched a great comedy, Caddyshack, with Bill Murray and Rodney Dangerfield. You know the guy who says "I can't get no respect!" Judge Trudy: I sympathize. I feel like Dangerfield right now! I can't get you people to RESPECT the time. (impatiently pointing to her watch.) Natalie: Sorry. I was beginning to feel better even though Nick switched to watching a vampire flick-Bram Stoker's Dracula-which could have depressed me again, but didn't. I was on cloud nine because Mr. Knight was finally agreeable to trying a cure which could reverse his condition. Judge Trudy: How did this cure work? Natalie: Ummm...It's complicated! Judge Trudy: Well, try to explain it! Natalie: First of all, Mr. Knight and the mort...ummm love interest needed to be completely in love with one another for the cure to work. (gazing fixedly at Nick with disappointment written on her face) I thought the first part of the cure was a GIVEN between us. Ok..Ok...I'll admit it now, your honor. (pause) I loved Nick and I thought he loved me. Nick: (wounded look) Oh, Nat...you just said "loved". Does that mean you don't feel the same way any longer? Natalie: Let's put it this way, Nick! After that night, I can only say that I CARE and have AFFECTION for you. Love? I'm not so sure I feel love for you any longer after that feeble attempt at lovemaking! Nick: Nat, please...let me explain... Judge Trudy: (exasperated) Will you two be quiet! Dr. Lambert, I presume you will explain to the court about Mr. Knight's strange sexual preferences, however, please elaborate on this so-called cure? Natalie: Well, you see. It's like this...ummmm....The victim's....I mean the special person possesses special enzymes in his or her blo....bodily fluids which combat the inflamation in the patient's stomach. By Nick ingesting some of my...bodily fluids, the process was suppose to reverse his gastrointestinal condition. (staring meaningfully at Nick) There were ONLY two key elements to REMEMBER! The patient was suppose to use RESTRAINT! In other words, he was told to take a LITTLE at a time. Not to act like a GLUTTON! But some people are CLUELESS! Nick: I'm NOT ignorant! I had a KLEW, Natalie. Judge Trudy: Did you just say "klew"? What's a "klew"? Nick: You know. A mystery...a solution to a problem...a klew. Judge Trudy: Oooooh...a CLUE as in Ms. Scarlett with the candlestick in the conservatory. That kind of clue. Nick: Yeah, like the game "klew". Judge Trudy: Ok, smart boy! Don't start with me! It's clue. Best you remember that! Nick: Yes, your honor. Judge Trudy: Ok. Then. Dr. Lambert, continue. Natalie: Anyway, the second part of the cure was to make love to that special person AT THE SAME TIME the patient was ingesting the fluids. The combination would CALM the patient's stomach. Judge Trudy: Which brings us to your first complaint, Dr. Lambert. Please recount to the court what transpired that night at Mr. Knight's loft? How did he proceed with the cure? Natalie: (uncomfortable) Well..you know how some people have a fetish for feet, legs etc...? Well, with Nick......it's NECKS! He proceeded to chastely kiss my lips like I was porcelain and I would break. Next he kinda slobbered and sniffed my wrist..then, he moved my hair aside and....he went right for my neck! But, I GOTTA say, (smiling at Nick) he knows how to give one hell of a hickey! Judge Trudy: (thinking dreamily of Lucien) I know how you feel, honey! Some men really know how to please a woman! (remembering suddenly where she is) ummmm.... Continue with you explanation, Dr. Lambert. Natalie: (professional demeanor) Anyway, Nick continued the process by ingesting my bodily fluids from the jugul.....the trachea region. Judge Trudy: Wait a second, here! How did Mr. Knight manage to penetrate your skin in this region? Natalie: Oh. There's a simple explanation for that! (laughing nervously) umm...I told Mr. Knight where to cut a small incision in my trachea, so he could suck those fluids right out! Judge Trudy (skeptical) Yeah! Whatever! Go on, doctor. Natalie: There are many places in the human body where one can suck....ingest fluids..the mouth, the lower .. ummm..(blushing) female area..We thought the trachea was a very good place to start with this experiment because it offered a substantial amount of human fluids. (looking at the interesting pattern on the floor) This way the other openings could be ummm...accessed APPROPRIATELY. However, since Nick consumed SUCH a LARGE amount of fluids, the foreplay session ended abruptly. In fact, that was it, folks. Nick: Natalie, you know I wanted more between us, but I had to stay in control. Judge Trudy: Mr. Knight, why couldn't you restrain yourself enough to proceed further? Nick: I get kinda passionate. I loose control. I can't stop myself. Judge Trudy: OK, Romeo..So you think you're such a stud, don't you? But, I still don't understand why you couldn't control the ingestion of Dr. Lambert's fluids and make love to her? It's just fluids. Nick: You don't understand! Her FLUIDS drive me CRAZY! I've wanted them for a long time. In fact, I've tried to convince myself that I didn't love her, so I wouldn't take her. Judge Trudy: Boy! You are one real NUTCASE! Is Dr. Cora helping you in ANY way? Nick: Well..actually..I wanted to talk to you about that... Judge Trudy: Later! Blue eyes! What happened next, Dr. Lambert? Natalie: I don't remember exactly. I blacked out and was revived at the hospital. Later, the doctors told me that I suffered a bout of my pernicious anemia. But that's NOT all I ENDURED! During my stay at the hospital, I was perplexed by these sudden symptoms. I was experiencing these cravings....these hunger pains. Judge Trudy: Dr. Lambert, I know you said you were a doctor. But, cravings? Are you positive that nothing happened between you two? Natalie: NOT those TYPE of CRAVINGS! I was craving liquids. Other times, I would revert to foods again. Sunlight bothered me, too. I always wanted the shades drawn in my hospital room. I concluded that somehow Nick's and my fluids must have mixed. I had developed part of his condition. Nick: Oh, Nat! How can you even look at me after what I did to you? I'm not worthy of your friendship. I should just end it by walking into the sun. The stake..shillelagh won't work. LaCroix hasn't bought me one yet and he'll just mess it up again. Natalie: Oh, stop it, Nick. What's done is done. There's no going back. Judge Trudy: You both better stop it! Look at me when I'm talking to you. Dr. Lambert, you are correct. What has happened to you, your new condition, is something you will have to live with. It is also partly your fault. You did consent to try this cure with Mr. Knight. It obviously failed, partly because of Mr. Knight's UNUSUAL methods, but perhaps your other formula didn't work, too. Maybe you both aren't truly in love with one another. (Has faraway look in eyes, thinking of LaCroix) Maybe you aren't destined to be together. Nick: No, you're wrong, your honor. I love Natalie...Dr. Lambert more than life itself. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me in my miserable existence. Natalie: (smiling sweetly and looking euphorically at Nick) Nick, do you really mean it? Nick: Of course, I do.(gazing stupidly into her eyes) I think you are the most beautiful person I have ever known in my 800 years...and... Judge Trudy: (pointing finger at Knight) Ok, there you go again, Knight. Trying to make a laughingstock out of my courtroom. You better refrain if you know what's good for you. Nick: Anything you say, your honor. (still has stupid grin on face) Natalie: (trying to compose herself) Considering the CHANGE of feelings and STATUS of our relationship, I would like to drop all charges. No, punitive damages necessary. I think I should also counsel Mr. Knight myself. Don't you think, your honor, he requires many house calls to combat this restraint problem. Besides, Dr Cora can't help in this area like I can and she's too busy with her radio show. What do you say? Judge Trudy: I say that you both are one..VERY ODD couple, who probably deserve each other. Dr Lambert, it's going to take many MANY house calls to make this guy understand. Do you have that much patience, doctor? Natalie: I know Nick as been told he has a very THICK SKULL, but he'll catch on when I use my ....skills. Judge Trudy: Well, all I can say is: Good luck! (you'll need it!) Court adjourned! (Judge Trudy exits hurriedly to get to L'Azure) Room adjacent to courtroom finds our lovebirds in a very NORMAL-looking embrace) Interviewer: I believe this is the FIRST time I've ever interviewed the plaintiff AND defendant together. Dr. Lambert, what did you think about the outcome? Natalie: (smothering Nick with kisses, comes up briefly for air) I couldn't be happier. I know Nick doesn't want to completely inflict his disease on me, but..... Interviewer: (appalled at the very idea) Well, I should say not! Natalie: But, we'll find a way to be together won't we, my little bloodsucker. Nick: If there's a will, there's a way! (kissing her and moving hands everywhere, even places that aren't acceptable for this courtroom show.) Interviewer: And, what do you have to say, Mr. Knight? Nick: Only one thing! (gazing intently into Nat's eyes) Dr. Lambert ALMOST makes me feel...ALIVE! The End What can I say! I'm a hopeless romantic when it comes to N&N even in comedy! Feedback is more than welcome! Email at: psmoot43@hotmail.com or please sign guestbook.